Yeah I said, I'll be there! You have my word!
If you ask me to come to your party, and I say yes, I'll be there.
If I know what time, I'm on time.
I have worn the integrity of my word like the bloody battle-worn armor of a martyr, along with all the victimization and resentment that goes along with it for most of my adult life - Yet, when I took a closer look and got connected to what integrity really means, I found some holes in my story.
One definition of integrity that I love is; A state of being whole and undivided.
I have absolutely had moments in this being-ness; however I have probably had more moments of that aching, confusing, overwhelming, ready to throw in the towel feeling of inner- division.
You know those moments where one part of you wants one thing yet another maybe subconscious part wants something completely different, and you keep finding yourself in a sub-par state filled with, longing, guilt, anger, confusion and/or reaction. So what gives?
In the past, I confused integrity and showing up like I said I would as a way to get praise and belonging. So Often I would say yes to things I thought I should be saying yes to, and being a stand for things because I felt that it was "the right thing" to do. And if I did the right thing, I would be better liked, more generous, and closer to perfect. Ugh! A recipe for totally in-authentic living. Yuck!
Most recently, and consistently for the last 2 years, I have been having the inner and sometimes outer battle of work vs. family time. I'm sure you can probably relate, but my version goes like this:
Me setting an intention and making a promise to my family.
"I solemnly swear to only be on my phone or the computer Monday through Friday 9-5 when you are not around, and when you are here, I promise to focus my undivided attention on you during waking hours in order to create the most orderly, connected, and loving family experience ever and for always."
Guess what happened?
My words of integrity? Total bullshit. My intention? Impossible to deliver on.
What did I get? A whole lot of guilt, mistrust of myself and my word, resentment, and defeat.
What did my family get? Un-met expectations (that I set up), disappointment, a lack of trust around if I was going to actually do what I said, and defensive, angry behavior from me, as I defended my altruistic intention, and hid behind the excuse of, "I'm trying my best here!"
And then what? I would commit even louder and with more enthusiasm to my promise and intention the next time only to repeat the pattern of the bummer.over and over again for two years, I will remind you! The very definition of insanity.
What can I say... slow learner...
But, that's not even the worst of it... As I was starting to wake up to this dysfunctional pattern, and brought it out into the open with my husband. I said, "I really want to clean this up, I want to do the things I say I'm going to do with you guys. Like when I agree to go to the park in 10 minutes, I want to be ready to go and be present in 10 minutes. I want to be in integrity."
He replied kindly and matter of factually with no feeling of passive aggressiveness (and I'm not speaking in sarcasm here), "It's OK, we've gotten used to it."
Wow! Had I ever lowered the bar of integrity for my entire family. That did not sit well with me, and is completely out of alignment with what I am intending to be a stand for in my family. Ouch! And... thank god for the realization and the opportunity to try something new.
So now what? Do I work even harder and create more rules and regulations on my self, banging my head against the wall of perfect family, wife, and mother?
I'm in the practice of "not any more", but, as I've said, I used to, and that created even more inner-division. Totally unworkable.
Now I get to be in integrity, whole and undivided meaning, instead of trying to do the "right" thing and being perfect or avoiding the "wrong" thing and being an unconscious a-hole (according to whom, I don't know). I now get to presence and tell the truth to myself and others and choose what serves in that moment - moment to moment.
It looks like this, an intention to be honest about what I need, and to connect to those I love through a " how can we make this work together" attitude;
"I'm designing my new group program, I have deadlines for marketing, and it's important to me to get the information out in a timely fashion. I am committed to reaching as many people as I am meant to serve. For this week, I will be spending more time on my computer and contacting clients than usual, but let's schedule some special time this week to be together and connect. Does that work for you guys? If not how can we work together to figure out what does?"
To be in integrity, we must be in inquiry of what's true and what serves in the moment
Of course breakdowns still happen sometimes, but overall stating the true commitment and working around it has created more freedom and trust in my family. While the alternative of focusing on the "right" commitment (according to whom, I don't know), always brought inner and outer division for all of us.
If you want more of this conversation about integrity, values and epic living check out The Value Project here >>>
roasted red pepper hummus
I threw this photo on FB and had some requests for the recipe; It makes me giggle because it's kind of a non-recipe dish and goes like this...
What's in the fridge? What's in the garden? Great! That's what we're eating.
We eat this way a lot, everything in one pot/pan or sheet, short time in front of the stove, and it's delicious.
For this meal, we used a combo of sweet potatoes, bell peppers, snow peas, onions Japanese mustard, Russian kale, and broccoli spiced with turmeric, paprika, asafetida, and black mustard seeds all sauteed together and then finished the veggies with homemade roasted red bell pepper hummus and fresh basil. When you try it go for your favorite organic vegetables and the spices you love!
Now, the one thing that kicks this casual and relatively simple meal up a notch is the homemade hummus. About a year ago we gave up on the store-bought stuff and found that hummus made at home is easy, and you can make it to the exact taste and texture you like.
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus Terra Style
Tried to be as specific as possible but "Terra style" as done by my husband
is really done by feel,and varies a little each time.
2 cans worth of garbanzo beans*
2 TBS tahini
2-3 TBS olive oil
3 roasted garlic cloves
2 roasted red bell peppers skinned and seeded**
Juice of one whole lemon
salt and pepper to taste
Throw into a food processor and blend until smooth ***. Keeps for about a week in the fridge. This makes a fairly large batch becuase we eat it with eggs, on sandwiches and as a snack to name a few uses. You can 1/2 the recipe if you won't be using as much.
Some things to note
* We most often used dried beans, they are cheaper especially when buying organic. If you want to try this, soak them overnight, and then boil on the stovetop with 1/2 TBS of baking soda. The baking soda helps the beans break down more quickly so that they blend smoothly. Cool before using in the hummus. Prepping them this way makes them less gassy too. If you are using the canned variety rinse them thoroughly.
** If prepping the peppers yourself seems intimidating you can buy them pre-roasted, but his will up the price of the finished product. You can find them in organic which I recommend because peppers on the dirty dozen list.
***As far as texture goes, you can adjust by altering the olive oil content, or reserving some of the bean water if you used dried and adding in small increments until you get exactly the texture you desire.
Father's day brunch Pancakes
When I read these recipe blogs I usually think to myself, too many pictures, too much writing please just the recipes. So although in writing a recipe blog the experience is much different, more pic and more writing feel right...
I'm going to do my best to keep it to the main event...
Although, I will say I have a 7-year-old with a voracious pancake appetite, and so far this "Thin" as in low profile cake has been her fav. I am now known as the pancake hero. So here we go...
2 eggs or chia egg substitute
1 cup milk, we have been using flax, although I bet buttermilk would be divine
3 TBS olive oil
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 C flour
1/2 tsp salt
1. Whisk eggs, milk, and oil together well.
2. Add dry ingredients and mix lightly with wet ingredients, the batter will be quite lumpy even with a few mini pockets of dry flour - don't over mix.
3. Pour about 1/2 C of batter onto a lightly buttered or oils medium hot frying pan and then roll the pan spreading the batter almost like you would a crepe.
4. Cook until golden brown
So so easy!
Pecan butter is so decadent and delicious; it's one of my favorite treats and easy to make. I make it in small batches because the nuts are more unstable and will spoil, and that is just too much of a waste for me to handle. The pecan is naturally sweet, so they don't need much extra flavoring, but you experiment with different flavors too, think spices like cinnamon and other sweeteners like maple syrup.
Toasted Salted Pecan Butter
3/4-1 cup pecans
1/4 tsp salt adjust to your taste - I use Himalayan pink salt because it makes me feel fancy.
1/2 -1 tsp of your favorite local honey - optional
1. Toast pecans in a lightly oiled fry pan on the stove top, make sure to keep them moving they go from perfect to overdone quick, I aim for about 5 minutes and a toasty sweet aroma
2. Let them cool for about 5-10 minutes - you can be making the batter at this point.
3. Put into a small food processor with the salt and the honey, and begin mixing. The mixture goes through phases from granular to completely smooth, have patience and blend to your favorite texture.
We just recently were turned on to this vegan bad boy, and we all love it. Back in our more omnivore days, we love fresh whipped cream on pancakes, especially with fresh fruit. So it got me thinking...
Quick Cashew Yogurt Cream Sauce
About a 1/2 cup of yogurt
1/4 tsp or so of real vanilla extract
1-2 TBS of powdered sugar
You could get creative with the extracts, I thought lemon would be excellent, but we were out. So put all the components together with your favorite fresh or even frozen fruit (cherries are fun and saucy), and you have a simple but sophisticated brunch for any occasion. Enjoy!
Power Posing to Freedom
The photo above is me in 1995, my first L.A. photo shoot. I look powerful and badass, which I should have felt because I had just been scouted on the sidewalk, introduced and set up for a shoot with an impossibly cool photographer.
During the shoot, he nonchalantly said, "Huh? You're prettier than I expected." and at the end, he referred me to Elite and Ford the two most significant agencies at the time. I signed with Elite a few days later. It was a dream come true for a girl raised on Seventeen Magazine in the era of supermodels.
But... there was a problem, well many. At that point in my life, my beliefs were strong and consisted of, I'm not worthy, and I don't belong. I felt anything but badass. I blushed anytime I was asked what I did, I would squeak out almost inaudibly, "I model" then I would turn into a beet. My blushing was severe and debilitating, and the embarrassment about the blushing only made me redder.
One way I could feel in control was my severe eating disorders that had started before but got really real during that period. What I see now is, I didn't feel worthy of being nourished, and I didn't feel worthy of taking up space, so I attempted to shrink myself. I used outrageous workouts and rigid scheduling for eating, sleeping, and exercise as punishment. I was a literal "hot mess," even though those old photos show something completely different.
It was like living in a cage of pretend. I pretended to be cool and together and perfect, but I was coming apart at the seems under that sleek exterior. I never experienced much success in that career because I didn't own my power, my truth, or my beauty. In that state of mind and that state of being, I was caught by dysmorphia, and when I looked in the mirror, I saw a troll.
My saving grace and my versions of power posing through this period were my three besties; we were all seekers, navigating our way through young adulthood. We had precious conversations about who we were and why, and who we hoped to become.
I also did extensive work with Landmark Education, my first exposure to a-ha moments and transformation.
Additionally, yoga and the study of yogic philosophy were starting to get super interesting to me.
Finally and thankfully, I had enough. I woke up one day and chose healing, self-compassion, authenticity and my brilliance I quit modeling because in fact it was killing me, and at the time it was taking me far away from my truth. I was completly out of alignment.
I'd like to say my journey was quick and I had it all figured out in 6 months, but no... It's been 23 years, and I'm still tweaking behaviors and beliefs every day to uncover my truth. However, the growth and healing that has occurred in the last five years have been exponential.
How? I finally invested in support and structured accountability in the form of therapy, coaching, and personal growth study. I also chose to open my heart over the old pattern of isolation so that I could establish and in some cases re-establish a tribe of supportive, loving, souls.
Flash forward to today.
Work in progress? Always!
A woman who practices non-negotiable self-care, rest and fun based on self-love?
A woman who surrounds herself with supportive energizing people who love and want her to succeed?
A woman who is ending a family legacy of self-sacrifice, depression, hiding and self-medicating, by modeling self-love, authenticity, and bold self-expression to her daughter?
A woman who has found her purpose and is willing to share her gifts with the world?
A woman who can get up in front of almost 1000 people and share her truth in service of people breaking open to their version of brilliance?
I don't share this in a "look at me I'm so great and evolved" way, but, as evidence that if I can do it... your dreams and your best-fulfilled life are possible too. If you have had enough of the limiting behaviors and beliefs that hold you back and you are ready to uplevel and move towards your dreams now. I want to invite you to The Oxygen Mask 3 part Workshop series starting on May 4th.
I have carefully curated, exercises and practices to make a perfect starter course. I intend to help you bring awareness to the patterns that are holding you, hostage so that you can finally move through them and find some freedom on the other side.
Click here for more info
What??? No cookies?
Our plane was shifting in a big way seemingly on every available axis. We were warned over the loudspeaker that the ride would be rough, but this was ridiculous! My family was in the back, my daughter next to me and we were thoroughly experiencing the "tail slide" that the pilot blamed for canceling the drink and snack service. Several times I thought about those little oxygen masks falling from the space above us, and as my daughter lay in my lap battling motion sickness. I kept playing "in case of an emergency..." in my head.
"Put the mask on her first", my head and heart exclaimed.
I quickly corrected my self, "No my mask first."
It was the weirdest thing to observe the argument in my head.
"No, it feels right and makes sense to take care of my young, scared, almost ill child, actually it seems absurd not to put her first. "
"Wait wait wait, me first so that I can serve others! "
Back and forth it went. We never had that emergency, and if we did, I would have followed the instructions and masked myself first. But, holy cow what a clear picture I got that night about how and why it's so hard to commit to self-care.
Most of us are experts at self-sacrifice, we somehow believe that if we put everyone and everything else first, we will be satisfied because we feel in control, and everyone else will be happy due to us. Self-sacrifice is seen mistakenly as a sacred duty. Well let me tell you, that is absolute B.S., but that pattern runs deep in us. The truth is when we put ourselves last, not only are we miserable, withdrawn, and resentful, but our relationships, passions and purpose suffer as well.
The Commitment to self-care is just like the oxygen mask argument I was having with my self. Me/them? Me/them? Where we get confused is in the plane our lives depend on a commitment to self, and in real life it doesn't feel that way. I would argue that those feelings are incorrect and that your life, if you want to be well, fulfilled, connected, impactful, and in full expression of your greatness, entirely depends on it!
I invite you to The Oxygen Mask 3 part Workshop series. Over the course of 3 sessions using mindfulness, gentle movement, and communication we will work through specific steps, befriend and revise our limiting beliefs, and create a system for successful self-care based on self-love.
Step 1. Step back so that you can connect to the vision of what life would look like if your prioritized yourself - build awareness around those automatic and sometimes subconscious limiting beliefs around self-care so you can choose differently at the moment.
Step 2. Let go of habits and beliefs that hold you back from self-care and self-love.
Step 3. Say yes in an empowered way to yourself and what you want to create.
Step 4. Discover what your next best step is, formulate a plan and take empowered action.
Step 5. Set up accountability around your self-care so that success is inevitable.
5/3, 5/10, 5/17
@ Pure Body Bliss.91 E Croy St B, Hailey
Space is limited, contact me for more info.
If you ready for this workshop, but not near Hailey, Idaho. Please contact me to share your interest. I have a virtual version in the works, with a wait list.
There I was in my freezing cold car in the grocery store parking proving miracles can happen anytime anyplace.
I was in the middle of a coaching call, and my coach asked,
“What will having a successful coaching practice do for you?”
I answered, “It will show me that I have finally tapped into my magic, that I’m sustaining it and sharing it and inspiring others to find theirs.
She asked, “Have you ever felt your magic before?”
I said, “Yes” and told this story –
After our life-flight to a metro hospital, my daughter was born during an emergency delivery six weeks before her due date. As intense as that time was, I was called to create magic. I was the most poised, present, wise, and fierce version of myself. I advocated like a warrior for her to leave the NICU thriving and healthy.
During that month in the hospital, many serious decisions came up. Sometimes the professionals advised one thing, and my gut said another. I always went with my gut. Make no mistake when we went home she was small, but she was mighty.
Whitney replied, “So your daughter is your anchor for your magic.”
Let me tell you my world turned upside down, and this is why…
Once we were out of the hospital, we shifted into new parent survival mode. She started a 12-week bout with Colic on her actual due date. My husband and I were ready to drive the family off a cliff. I was isolated because she couldn’t be around germs. As she grew into a toddler, we had the tyrannical 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s. She was the most spirited, energetic, button pushing, raging (when she wanted to be) kid, I had met, and I had confirmation from other veteran parents.
Because I am a human meaning-making machine, Guess what I made these challenges mean?
The voice in my head sounded like this:
I didn’t deserve to have the magical natural birth I wanted, because people like me didn’t deserve things like that. The new mommy’s group wasn’t a possibility which was typical because I never got to belong anywhere. I was so damaged to the core that I had produced the Tasmanian devil, and my parenting was so bad that I had no control which made sense because I could never get it right in life. My laundry list of sad proofs went on and on.
My realization in the car that day was, “Holy smokes, I’ve been using my beautiful girl to anchor all of my disappointments, resentments, and shortcoming. I did that for six years…
In one magical moment my coach pointed out – “your daughter is your anchor for your magic.”
... And everything changed. Now when I look at her, all I see is magic. When I anchored my inner sorcerer and took action from that place, miracles appeared everywhere, in my relationship with myself and others, my work, my capacity for creation and gratitude and love.
I see this experience as evidence that;
A love letter to You
Choosing your passions and your dreams over your circumstances can be really hard, I totally hear you. I see people struggle with this decision over and over again.
I wrote this letter to a client who said,
"When my circumstances change."
How many times have you heard those same words come out of your mouth? How long are you willing to wait for the life experience that you want?
So this is my love letter to you, and me, and all the self-less mothers, sisters, wives out there:
I've been thinking about you...
I noticed you opted out of coaching for now without having a chance to see what it's all about. I hear how busy life is for you and that this maybe seems like not the best timing. But, it could also be a crucial time for you to get supported in the specific way that coaching provides.
Coaching isn't really about a time commitment to "work on yourself" when you're having the experience of not enough time, money, or any other lack. That doesn't sound fun or beneficial in any way... What coaching offers is creating the experience you want to be having regardless of your circumstances.
I only share this because I have had times in my life where my circumstances seemed bigger than my dreams. I was lucky enough to have fantastic coaches and supporters who were a stand for my me even when my life was showing me every which way that it wasn't possible at least not for now. I am a stand for my clients dreams no matter what. Whatever life throws, we co-create powerful solutions
You had said how you want to be more present and at peace, you wanted to be having more fun and abundance. Coaching actually amplifies whatever it is you are interested in creating.
If you have any guilt about being selfish, understand as a woman, the social norm is to put children and most everyone else first. Self-sacrifice is accepted and even celebrated.
I am a stand for women to put themselves first because I have seen over and over when this occurs everyone in the community benefits. We simply can't give from an empty cup, and the services we provide, should not be at our expense. I am a stand for you forever and always, no matter if we work together now, later, or never. My stand for us is unwavering.
When I find myself waiting for the right time or circumstance, I always question, If I am saying "no" to what I want now, then what am I saying "yes" to. Check in, make sure you are saying yes to the right things for you.
It would be my honor to support you in creating presence, clarity, and success in your own unique way. Let me know if you're ready.
I support women in trading the lackluster and agonizing experience of being out of alignment with their truth for freedom and brilliance. Live the life you want to be living... Book a free clarity session and start creating the success you are craving!
My lesson from my Mother
My mother experienced terrible trauma as a young child, psychic wounding which she never really got the proper support for. She lacked human connection and resources that possibly would have allowed her to thrive. I was a witness to her practice of survival, which included isolation, disconnection, victimhood, judgment, and self-medication.
Thinking back to when I was a young child I can see now, how hard she tried to hold it all together. Although I didn't feel super attached and connected to her, she kept me safe, she fed me healthy food, and entertained me by many activities outside of the home to make up for the lack of personal play time and loving connection that she just wasn't capable of.
For much of my adulthood, I've been angry about the emotional neglect, and the mothering it felt like was robbed from me, but also confused and guilty because I know I was well provided for. I had learned well from Mom's model of victimhood, and have been my own worst enemy holding myself back many times in my life. I've had moments where following in her path seemed somehow more comfortable than creating a life I love.
-So interesting how that works.
As I have gotten older, my rage has softened, and I've been able to grow my compassion for her and her personal story. I've gained some skill in carefully watching out for and getting curious about my own dysfunctional survival skills. I have also decided to learn from the experience, and break the cycle rather than repeat it with my daughter. My ability to take personal responsibility for how my life turns out increases each day.
I wish so badly that she would have searched out the right support system as I was lucky enough to do. I wish she could have taken personal responsibility for how her life turned out and realized her power to create her reality.
As an observer, I do see the mighty creator of reality she is, but in my opinion, it could have been a better reality.
At 62 she is in the end stages of alcoholism. She is yellow with jaundice. She is malnourished and has the haunted eyes of a sad, lonely little girl. She is challenging to have a conversation with because her ears are going, but more so it's the wet brain also known as alcoholic's brain damage. Our realities don't match up. Her legs and abdomen are fluid filled. She is in grave danger because she falls. Yes, she's drunk, but alcohol messes with her brain's ability to balance among so many other abilities and it thins her blood so that she could hemorrhage or stroke out at any time. Also, her liver and heart are under extreme duress due to this horrific and self-inflicted disease. This is what she has created.
As awful as it sounds and is to witness, It's strange because she always tells me she's fine.
She doesn't seem fine though. Her denial is just another way to push away responsibility.
Mom says she doesn't want to be a burden, and I believe it, yet when we don't take responsibility for ourselves that is precisely how we end up - a burden.
I tell this story because we can all learn from it. My mother is a severe example of what it's like to slip far out of your sphere of brilliance.
Unfortunately, self-love was not modeled for her, and she didn't find or utilize the resources she needed to learn it on her own. I can see she only valued herself through outside proof; she used my sister and me for that. As relieved as she was once we were out of the house, and on our own, her proof of value was limited.
She didn't understand that self-care, self-acceptance, and self- forgiveness are exercises to be practiced regularly. She never realized her deeper truth as an empowered resourceful woman
(I believe when we get down to it, some version of this is the deeper truth for all of us). Instead, she was and still is the little girl locked inside of her trauma.
As an adult she never really lived authentically, alcohol and other substances were always there to dull her pain and her truth. She rarely asked for what she wanted and almost never got it. I don't believe she ever felt worthy. In her mind, she was a sadly damaged orphan. Like the hungry ghosts from the Buddhist tradition, she was starving and couldn't see that the way to nourish herself and find fulfillment was through self-love, authenticity, expression, and connection.
I do remember times when she had a small glimmer of hope, and some possibility lived within her, but I watched as it slowly drained from her.
I always try to find gratitude for my mother's teachings. Although she is an extreme case, my most recent lesson is how important it is to live with hope and possibility, and how love towards self, un-apologetic realness, and courageous connection to yourself and others feed the possibility of our brilliance. Our brilliance potential is life force, and when we shut it down through hiding, blaming, shaming, and distracting. We die.
***September 2018 Update: My Mother passed away 4-30-2018 from complications of alcoholism. These lessons ring even truer now. I am processing a load of new lessons at the moment as I learn to live in a whole new paradigm. As I gain more clarity, I will be sharing what happens next...
If there is a part of you that is lacking alive-ness set up a complimentary clarity session and discover your unique version of self love, authenticity, and freedom, how to leap over the hurdles that have always held you back, and how to own your brilliance.
Who's in charge here?
One of the most potent obstructions of our brilliance is that inner voice that lets us know,
"You're not ready."
...And that's when she's being nice. Sometimes she's way more abrupt and downright abusive.
I call her my inner mean girl, her name is Bechelle, and she's a B. Other people might refer to this voice as the ego, or the ego gone wild.
Bechelle used to be a lot meaner and louder, at her worst she said,
"Don't love yourself, you're not worthy."
"Don't be yourself, because nobody is going to love that."
"Stay small, and hide out, no one is interested in your joker gifts."
For a long time, I was at war with Bechelle; I would scream and yell back at her, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut the F up!"
I'd plead, " Why are you torturing me, please stop."
and then a lot of the time I would just give in and agree,
"She must be right; I really am a shitty person."
My response ran the gamut from resistance, disregarding, outrage, and acceptance. None of those served me very well, in either bolstering my esteem or getting her off my case.
So what did I do? I got super curious,
"Why are you here?"
"What do you need?"
"What can I learn from you?"
I began to get to know Bechelle, and I realized she had my best interest at heart even though her methods were really ineffective. I saw she just wanted me to be safe, and loved, and to belong. She had a lot of fear, that could be quelled by massive amounts of self-care, and mindfulness. So that's what I gave her in thanks for all the hard work she had done most of my life.
She's become much quieter, and softer, and when she pops up to share her advice, In a kind voice I say, "Thanks, I know you have my best interest at heart, I understand you are afraid, and I am a resourceful, empowered adult and I've got this."
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What are you worth?
... Way more then you let yourself believe... What circumstances are keeping you from living your dreams? Are you too busy, too broke, too old, is it the kids, the hubby, your job?
I have been there too.
My old story was, I couldn't afford to invest in my happiness. I lived day in and day out wanting something more. I had a deep urge to find my purpose, a strong desire to step into my power, and an intense wish to serve and make an impact.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
How did I move from stuck?
Looking back, I can see how I started and continued to build a group of loving and unshakable supporters, who held space and acted as resources as I began to shake up my career, my life, and step into my value by investing more time and money into my growth.
Those supporters believed enough in me so that I could start to believe in myself which translated into the seemingly magical creation of cash. (literally, I adopted a wonderful high-end private pilates clientele overnight when a seasoned and well-loved teacher moved to another city).
As I increased my possibility in the form of cash, I was able to start hiring support. My counselor supported and stretched me beyond my limiting beliefs and helped me heal from my past traumas. I stepped into my power a little more and began to discover my purpose. I wanted to coach and help people create the experience that they wanted to have just like I was. I found a coaching school, and I wanted to hire a private coach.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
Fortunately, When I couldn't stand for my dreams, my supporters did. I hired a coach and she supported me through my fear and stretched me into what was really possible and guess what, I excelled in school and will be graduating in November. I still have a roof over my head and a budding, purposeful, exciting, and lucrative career.
As I increased the possibility of who I was becoming, I knew I could move so much more quickly with support to grow into that person. I had a re-enrollment conversation with my coach. It was big; this was the ticket, I knew all the way to my bones.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
Once again, when I couldn't stand for my possibility, I was so lucky to have created and invested in a massive support structure that could. Without it I would still be living in "I can't afford it" and that would totally suck.
As your coach, I am a stand for your dreams, even when life throws you unexpected curve balls and you feel too busy, too broke, too old, or maybe it's the kids, the hubby, or your job, even when you think your circumstances or more powerful than your dreams. I will support and stretch you so that you can have the experience you want and so much more.
Coaching is all about creating the experience you want to have. To get a feel for what it is and to be clear about what it isn't, schedule a complimentary clarity session today. You are worth it.
self-sacrifice, no winners in that game
Self- Sacrifice - the giving over of oneself or one's own interests for the benefit, or the supposed benefit, of others.
You think that by putting others first, people will give you more love, your position in the tribe will be held sacred and from the love and belonging your self-sacrifice creates you feel safer in life.
The truth is the more you self-sacrifice, the less you love yourself, the tribe comes to expect your overgiving, which increases your resentment and drives a wedge between you and the tribe. So guess what, you just wholly wrecked your experience of love safety and belonging. Whoops!
What if you tried putting yourself first instead?
So what now? It's a little thing called personal responsibility. Observe what comes up for you when you realize it's all in your hands. It can be scary because there is a lot of power for success at your discretion. It's also scary if you choose, AKA making a big non-negotiable decision that you are going to go for your dreams, you don't get to hide behind the shield of self-sacrifice anymore.
We all know what that shield sounds like, "I'll go after my dreams once everyone else is taken care of."
Well, you will be waiting forever, and how convenient to blame someone else for your playing small and not developing what you came here to do. It's much easier to stomach if it's on someone else.
Trade your shields for boundaries. Sheilds set us up to take responsibility for everyone but our selves. Boundaries allow us to be in our truth free from liability for others reactions.
So once again I ask of you, be brave and put yourself first. my mentor Stacey Morgenstern once reminded me, "You will not be abandoned by the world if you claim yourself as whole."
... but if you don't tap into the courage and responsibility to prioritize numero uno, you have abandoned yourself, and in turn the world.
If you would like to stop self-sacrificing and find freedom through healthy boundaries so that you can live your dreams. Schedule a free clarity session with me. The time is now!
The Inception of Reception
I have been steeped deep into a conversation, of power, fulfillment, liberation, connection, self-expression and true success, or what I like to call our sphere of brilliant being. The way I see it one can only live in that place if they are willing to BE three things.
I have been interviewing as many women who will let me on this topic, and my findings have been amazing. I’m telling you people – The struggle for self-love, authenticity, and taking up the space that is our birth-rite is real, yet I have complete faith that with clear awareness, and empowered action we can all up-level and spend a whole lot more time in our personal version of brilliance.
Much of what I hear is how difficult finding space to grow our self-love can be, or where even to start.
Well, one place we can look is our ability and readiness to receive. Most of us or very adept at deflecting, refusing, and ignoring the many opportunities, blessing, and kindness’s that come into our space each day. We need to move into our day with eyes and heart wide open, scouting for positive energy that is just waiting to land on us and increase our experience of self-love.
A colleague of mine illustrated the old defeating cycle, awareness, and then a new choice of action that served her perfectly.
I asked her for a favor; I wanted to pick her brain about her experience of her brilliance. The interview went well, and we both had some new insights and aha’s, in other words, it was valuable because we both brought our value to the table.
I later sent her a thank you email and asked for her address so I could send her a small gift of appreciation.
She responded, “No need for gifts. Thank you for reaching out to me.”
Wow! Although I know it was absolutely not her intention, It felt like an abrupt snub. The way she cut off the flow of positive energy was a visceral experience for me.
I thought, “how many time had I damned the energy flow, out of trying to be polite, or not take up too much space, or being able to the vulnerability that comes up when someone had offered me aid or a gift of some kind.”
The answer? A LOT. We all do this. It’s in our programming to be demure and giving, but most of us missed the day they taught receiving 101. When we drop into this pattern it is in service to NO ONE!
So I went into coach mode on my friend, and this was my response,
“I did want to invite you to practice receiving (sorry coach in me can't stop). Where else do you cut off receiving? Learning to receive is a big piece of being unconditionally in love with yourself and being able to hold space for your brilliance. Receiving a gift, a compliment, help of any kind is a way to practice owning your value. At its most simple, it's just an exchange of positive energy - something for the (your) value you gave me. Where else do you stop up the flow of positive energy? Up to you what you want to do with that... I respect whatever your choice is and no more unsolicited coaching, I promise ;)”
And guess what?
She took one small step to rewrite her pattern and another towards her value, self-love and her brilliance when she responded with her address.
Get curious, where do you cut off your self- love? Would you like to be experiencing something different that is in service to your liberation? What is one thing you can do today to let a little more love in? I live for these types of conversations, and I’d love to have one with you. You can book your free clarity session with me here.
Follow me on Facebook for regular chats like this one.
Stop tolerating less than brilliant
I was sitting in the bright calming office of my therapist, the light, floral motif, and soothing colors were somehow feeding my rage and sadness. With tears running down my face, I loudly complained, "I hate my life, I hate my husband, and I hate my 3-year-old, but most of all I HATE myself for being such an ungrateful, vicious monster."
Had you been there in that moment you would have tasted the shame, anger, and desperation emanating from me. I have had many periods in my life of meh, ho-hum, to downright depression, but this was bad! I was breaking apart.
Luckily through the therapy, personal coaching and the inner work/ personal development I have consistently engaged in, along with what I observe in my clients, I see these less than desirable low vibrational episodes as an absolute gift. I have taken the feedback and formulated it into a system that helps me and my clients come back into brilliance when we fall out of alignment.
When I talk about brilliance I mean an experience of being fulfilled, free, fully self-expressed, and genuinely successful, whatever that means to the individual.
I believe that we need to be running on all cylinders in the areas of self-love, authenticity, and the practice of taking up space unapologetically. I see our true collective nature as brilliant and when we feel ourselves being less than that (which happens because we're human). We can look into these three areas and do a self-check. Leave judgment at the door and get really curious about what needs more attention. Maybe some work could be done on the ability to receive, the experience of health, or the willingness to surrender.
What's cool is with some focus, self- awareness, and consenting to let go of what isn't serving, and creating space for what is, we can move into our sphere of brilliance, and the possibilities for whatever we can dream up are right at our fingertips.
As I connect into my brilliance and sustain it for longer periods of time, I get so excited about my journey. I often find myself in flow, life is more often than not showing up fun and easy, and I'm happy to say I love my family, and myself even the viscious monster part, more than ever.
To create some clarity, support, and accountability around what's keeping you out of your sphere of brilliance, or how to get even more brilliant, book a free conversation here.
Happy New year's Evoltution!
Happy 2018! This is my year of TRUST and EVOLUTION. Let me explain how I got here, and why my evolution is so relevant>>>
I have been engaged in continuing education with the Health Coach Institute since July 2016. I completed the health coach certification early 2017. I am slated to complete the Advanced Transformational Coaching Methodology (TCM) and the Life Coach Certification by the end of January 2018. I am enrolled in the yearlong Mastery program for TCM. It has been a fantastic whirlwind of learning and personal transformation. I am doing things and being seen out in the world in ways that 18 months ago would have been way too scary and out of reach for me to even attempt. This journey has increased my self-awareness, helped to heal my food and body issues, allowed me to acknowledge and release my addiction to perfectionism, and created space for me to tap into my desires and trust that I can make my dreams come true. On a professional level, I have learned practices, question sequences and strategies to help me and my clients make profound neurological changes that not only upgrade habits but beliefs and identity too.
Of course, I am still me, a work in progress constantly learning and growing. I have moments of crippling self-doubt, periodic deep sadness bordering on depression, habitual perfectionism that occasionally sneaks up and steals my joy. There’s the worry, anxiety, and lack of trust that I am enough, that I can connect deeply, and that things will be ok. However, even with all this human-ness, I have learned that I am completely powerful and capable, and I am here to share my gifts to be of service to you. My continued evolution is imperative to the service that I can and intend to contribute to you and the world.
I came to that realization by tapping into my deepest desires, CHOOSING to stand fully in my value, and creating and investing in a community that is always there to stretch me past my perceived limits. One that supports me, to take another step forward even when I have convinced myself that I can’t do it. I am building my muscle of choice to live in my empowered truth of “anything is possible, and there is always a way.” I hold this truth for you too, even when you can’t hold it for yourself.
My coaching practice has been evolving since I began my studies. Initially, I concentrated solely on the field of health as that is what I knew. Eventually, I started to understand that nourishment, movement, and self-care work so much better when they are rooted in self-love.
Self-love is so much bigger than that chocolate cake; the “I hate exercise” mantra or those last 20 pounds. I still see vibrant health, self-love, and radical self-care as the foundation for high vibrational living. What I find interesting is, as my clients begin to master their health, they achieve greater clarity and more connection to what it is they truly want. This is where the magic begins to happen. They get curious about how to get to the next phase. The phase of purpose, impact, full self-expression.
Life is one transition after another, from our parent’s homes out into the real world, moving between jobs, relationships, parenthood, empty nest, weight loss/gain, aging, you name it, life never stops throwing curveballs/opportunities that help us to become more OURSELVES.
Investing in coaching that offers a well thought out plan, support and accountability can move you quickly past fear, and into your life best lived. Time is too valuable to spend old repeating patterns that don’t serve you. I can help you discover the path and the actions required to live the life you truly desire and deserve.
I support women in transition who feel drained, overwhelmed, and misaligned with their aspirations so that they can reclaim and replenish their bad-ass selves and crush it in their next phase without guilt or apology.
If you or anyone you know is locked in the uncertainty or fear of transition, unsure of what the next best step is… Craving the freedom to come out of hiding and share your gifts the world so desperately needs… Call me or share.
I am a stand for your freedom. Show the world what you’ve got this year.
Step 1: Check in with yourself, are you ready for significant transformation this year? If the answer is yes move to step 2.
Step 2: Book a free Own Your Life, Live You Vision strategy session with me, (even if you have had one in the past) 208-720-6427, email@example.com.
Step 3: Invest in a 1:1 or group coaching program, Next group starts 1/29/18, 28 days Resolution to Results.
Step 4: Share with someone you love who is also up to big things. Reach out to your community, start connecting.
Why is goal setting like peanut Butter?
Well it's not, but I wanted to share some thoughts on goal setting anyway...
I was recently interviewed by my buddies over at Tune Up. It was cool because it really got me thinking about what has and hasn't worked for me. This is what I came up with...
TU: Why is goal setting important?
J: Goals help you create a path of growth and transformation. Without a doubt, along the way, you will find clarity and fulfillment. Without goals you may have the experience in 1, 5, or 10 years of, “how did I get to this unfulfilling place” or “is this all there is?”
TU: Do you use any tools that make goal setting easier for you?
J: First, I get clear on my desires. Then, I choose to honor my value/worth. (Without this piece desires won’t matter, because you won’t actually believe you deserve them). Lastly, I commit to a plan with the proper structure, support, and accountability.
TU: What are your top 3 recommendations for clarifying your goals?
J: One, figure out what is most important to you about the goal you are setting. Two, get curious! Who will you have to be and what will you have to embrace? More importantly, what will you need to let go of in order to have success. Three, hire a coach.
TU: What elements are essential to goal planning?
J: It is essential to have an open-ness and desire for change. Break the goal down into small digestible chunks, overwhelm kills commitment faster than anything. Practice celebrating the little wins, consistent 1% daily progress is what gets you there; small hinges swing big doors. Be flexible. Rigidity decreases our resilience to the things life throws at us. Use your senses. What will it feel, look, sound, taste, and smell like when the goal is complete.
TU:How do you track your goals?
J: I track in my journal sometimes. I also have goal tracking sheets for my business, finances, and the way I am showing up in the world on a bulletin board in my office. This is the most powerful because I look at it everyday, several times a day.
TU: Do you have any tools that make goal setting easier for you?
J: I have a monthly earnings tracking sheet that was presented in one of my coaching classes. It’s useful, particularly because it tracks change, and provides a way to measure what I’m up to. What you measure and track you can change. I also created a financial tracker to help me put my earnings into savings. I also tend to track my goals and intentions on my desk calendar at home. For me visibility is key.
TU: Do you practice goal setting rituals and if so how often?
.J: I am in the process of establishing a monthly new-moon ritual where I tap into who I need to be showing up in the world as in order to reach my various goals. Once I am clear on my intention of being-ness. I start being that way — for example “joyfully excited”, even in the seemingly mundane aspects of my life, right away. I set goals & intentions at the beginning of each year, and I reconnect with those at my birthday. Lastly, anytime I start a new continuing education I set a goal for clarity on what I want to get out of it.
TU: What helps you get your mind in the right space?
J: In addition to my rituals and intentions setting — I use meditation, oracle cards, and tarot cards to help connect me to my intuition, desires, and worth.
TU: If somebody is having trouble finding a new years resolution, what’s your advice?
J: If you are having trouble finding a New Year’s resolution, take inventory and dare to desire…
Try this:Divide a piece of paper into three columns.
1. What is going well in my life? (Always start with gratitude).
2. What is not going well in my life?
3. What would I like to experience instead?
This will help you figure out what you want. Then let the action begin!
Want more? Join me for my next group program >>>
28 Days: Resolutions to Results starts 1/29/18
What to expect:
Session 2: How to ask for what you want and get it.
Session 3: Honoring intentions and honing your boundaries.
The Private session will clarify your desires further, troubleshoot common forms of self-sabotage, and create a plan for your next best step forward.
→Tune Up Member/Non-member: $357/$397← Sign up HERE
I went a little wild testing some vegan cookie recipes this weekend.
I am after all hosting Christmas eve this year and I love cookies, so I wanted to make sure I was properly prepped to do some killer entertaining, enjoy some treats and adhere to my plant-based intentions.
I had posted about being disappointed in myself over Thanksgiving, because I let the circumstances and my fear of not belonging take over my food decision making.
I vowed the next holiday would be on my terms, while still including everyone.
So on to the Cookies!
Vegan SuGar Cookies
These were awesomely easy, we refrigerated the dough for about an hour before rolling it out.
I would probably add a little vegan butter to the icing next time.
As is, the icing was great for a drizzle, but the flavor was a bit flat. I guess I just prefer a creamier frosting.
Totally kid friendly. K helped me from start to finish.
Vegan Molasses-Spice cookies
These are my favorite!
They are super spicy and chewy, and smell like Christmas.
Perfect for getting into that Holiday state of mind.
1 Preheat oven to 350°F. Vigorously whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, allspice in a bowl and set aside.
2 Use an electric mixer and beat the butter for 2 minutes. Add the brown sugar, and 1/2 cup granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes with mixer set at medium speed. Add egg, vanilla extract, and molasses. Beat until combined, about 30 seconds. Scrape down sides of bowl with a rubber spatula.
3 Add dry ingredients and beat at low speed until just combined, about 30 seconds. Dough is pretty sticky
4 Place remaining 1/3 cup of granulated sugar in a shallow bowl. Working with 2 Tbsp of dough each time, roll dough into 1 3/4 inch balls. Roll balls in sugar and place on ungreased cookie sheets, spacing them 1 1/2 to 2 inches apart.
5 Bake until the outer edges of the cookies begin to set and centers are soft and puffy, about 11 to 13 minutes. Cool cookies on sheets for 2 to 3 minutes before transferring them to cooling racks . (We did 13 minutes and they were great!)
Note: do not overcook. The centers of the cookies should be somewhat soft and spongy when you take them out of the oven, otherwise they will end up hard and dry.
Poblano Cashew Nut Cheese and self sabotage
My Journey into the world of plant based has been an amazing and challenging adventure. My intention was to do the best I can, learn as much as possible and have fun with it.
But guess what? I practically fell to pieces over Thanksgiving, because of the butter and cream that was in EVERYTHING. I knew in advance that I was going to partake in the crab legs, but was sure I would stay plant based everywhere else...
I caved, not necessarily because I was craving the old family favorites, but because I was afraid of losing belonging in my family tribe. I didn't want to stand out or be the Thanksgiving pain in the ass, who changed all the recipes to suit my needs. I totally veered off the my path to fit in. I felt out of integrity, and I got real judge-y on myself. But, oh how important it was for me to belong. This is a human condition though. I am not alone. We are hard wired to conform, at one time in history, our survival depended on it.
This is a super common catalyst for self sabotage, that shows up in social engagements., gatherings, and celebrations of all kinds. You know when Great Aunt Sally singles you out...
"Your so tiny, your wasting away, why are you eating like a bird?"
"Here have a double helping of my famous mashed potatoes, a cup of gravy, and make sure to eat all, so you don't hurt my feelings."
Well I can't say that the discomfort of standing out and being different when it comes to your health won't go away. However, you can begin to practice:
The answer to your prayers... Be the most popular chef at your next holiday party!
Poblano Cashew Nut Cheese
1 generous C. of cashews, soaked for 4-24 hours and rinsed
2 TBS nutritional yeast
2 TBS fresh squeezed lemon juice
1 roasted garlic clove
1/4-3/4 inch slice roasted onion adjust to taste
1/2-1 roasted poblano pepper, seeds, and outer film removed
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1/4 C water, adjust for desired consistency
Pulse in a food processor, vitamix works too
Will keep for 6 days refrigerated in an airtight container.
Enjoy, this is amazing mixed with rice or pasta too.
Connect with me for more tips to recognize and defeat self sabotage, yummy recipes, and killer support so you can reclaim, and prioritize your bad ass self, and have the health and relationships you've dreamed about. Here's to owning it!
Fears and Miracles a love story...
It would feel practically MIRACULOUS if we succeeded in accomplishing a resolution we set at the beginning of a new year (I say sarcastically). But, you know why I say that? In a group of 100 people 8 will achieve their goals, while the rest of are saddled with that haunting weight of failure, and disappointment. Ugh, I hate that feeling.
So let's talk about the difference between a person who experiences desired results vs. the person who experiences undesirable results (notice this distinction... we all get some result, and we are all winning the game that we are playing - more on that later...).
I recently conducted a survey, and I found that the most common and largest barrier that gets between us and our desires is FEAR!
As a coach I'd love to say, "I can help you eradicate all FEAR."
NOPE, I wouldn't be the coach you expected me to be, trying to spoon feed you that fantasy.
I will admit, I feel fear everyday, sometimes down right terror. Each time I do a Live Video, share authentically, show up and play the game with a whole heart. What I have discovered is that you can be really afraid and really ready at the same time. You can feel copious amounts of fear and do your dreams anyway.
Now, I welcome fear ( maybe an overstatement, but... it stops me less and less). My fear is proof to me that I am playing big. Fear creates focus and aliveness, so that my contribution is more clear, centered, and real. When I take that bold leap out of paralyzation/ nonalignment, that's where I find motivation and creation/alignment. I have to face and move through my fear over and over, every day in order to stay in my unique alignment. We all do. It's what creates desired results.
Resolutions are never really about the thing, You know, that ideal picture we have in our mind... A resolution is the resolve to:
1. Honor your deepest desires, or maybe to figure what they even are.
2. Realize and step into your true value (which is always way higher than you give yourself credit for.)
3. Love yourself enough, to make the choices that are in alignment with what you really want.
Like I said in the beginning, we are all winning the game we're playing. How? If you want to be playing the game of "optimal health", you actually have to play it to the best of your ability the majority of the time. Let's say you resolve to play optimal health, but you go home and binge eat ice-cream 4 out of 7 days. Your result is going to be stomach aches, muffin top, and sugar roller coaster. The game your actually playing might be called, "I don't value my health enough to make the choices that will provide me with optimal health". So you are winning, but your playing wrong game. So, WHAT game are YOU playing?
When you are tapped into your desires, personal value, and deep self love, your courage soars, you smile at fear, you take empowered action again and again and again. When you follow the rules of the game you want to be playing consistently, miracles occur.
On December 18, 2018 at 6:00 pm MST, I will be discussing 3 ways to make a resolution stick. Make a choice to honor yourself ,your desires and create a miraculous life. Join me for this FREE virtual webinar.
RSVP here for the link.
I can really struggle with balance, I tend to be all or nothing black or white. It used to be, one missed work out could lead to a month or more with no structured activity, or one cookie would lead to the whole bag, and (I still work on this one regularly). So why are we so good at compartmentalizing, why does it show up as either, or? I am so ready for both, and more. Do you know how we do one thing is how we do everything? Let’s say you are humming along at work, busy, busy, making money, getting things done, but because of that you don’t have time to take care of your body, or maybe your relationships are suffering. So when you are assessing things, look to the weakest link. Bring that part of your life up and everything else will elevate too. Life is like a pie, each piece part of the whole. If you forgot to put filling in one piece the whole pie suffers. We want the whole pie to be as delicious as possible
So what would creating a more balanced lifestyle look like?
Great question! Creating a more balanced lifestyle would mean taking a really good look at all areas of your life: relationships, career, money, exercise, health…and making decisions about what is and isn’t working in each area. Sometimes the reason we stay stuck in unhealthy or unhappy areas of our lives is because it’s easier, in a way, to stay stuck in the familiarity than to find the creativity and energy to make the changes needed to improve our quality of life and move into the unknown. Let’s face it that unknown can be scary, even if it’s subconscious.
But don’t worry, I am here to help you begin to IMAGINE what your life in balance would look and feel like! But first...
How will I know if my current lifestyle is unbalanced?
● Are you used to getting things done on your own, but could use a little support?
● Do you want to build a healthier relationship to food?
● Do you eat when you are bored, angry, sad, or stressed out?
● Do you want to develop a deeper connection to yourself and others?
● Do you want to be empowered to be your own health expert?
● Do you want to be inspired about healthy cooking?
● Do you want to discover optimal eating for your unique body?
● Do you want more confidence, energy, and self-acceptance?
● Do you want to be challenged in new ways?
● Do you want to be held accountable to show up for yourself?
What do I do now?
If you are ready to embrace the best version of your life possible, schedule a clarity session, contact at jacqui@fitbodhi and let’s talk about the important steps to take to make changes in your lifestyle that will help you CREATE your DREAM life!
When Yes doesn't mean yes.
Do You Know When and How to Say Yes and No?
Here we are at the very beginning of the holiday season, I'm not sure about you but for me the holidays tend to be excessive. Too much sugar, alcohol, spending, not enough me time. This year I am speaking out loud for you and the universe to hear, "No More"
How often do we find ourselves at work or at a social gathering, or with a specific person doing a specific activity, eating a specific food and the first thought or maybe the first after thought is, “What the hell am I doing ?” It's not fun, It's not supporting me in the powerful life I'm interested in creating, and there is the strong feeling of life force being sucked away. This choice that has been made, our choices, are taking us in the opposite direction we want to go.
So how does this keep happening?
I used to feel this way and ask myself these same questions constantly, and I won’t lie, it still comes up. I feel obligated, I feel guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Can you relate? Well, enough already! What about us? How come we always come second? So it really comes down to honoring your yes’s and no’s. One good place to start is when you say yes to something is it going to give you energy and value? How do you know in yourself that that is true, is it a physical feeling that you get, or maybe you can truly calculate the value as a bonus to your life? How do you know when to say no? Will it be a drain on your time, energy, or money, what are the physical feelings to pay attention to in that case?
Many of us feel that “no” is a dirty word, but if “no” is said with kindness in a timely and firm manner, no guilt or unrest should be attached to it.
So let’s create clarity.
What are your top 5 priorities? It’s important to get past the to do lists… for example you might say taking care of your children is your number one priority. Yes important, but surface. What is actually underneath that to do? For me, taking good care of my daughter is important not only because I love her dearly, but I see it as stewardship for the planet and humanity, a way to make the world a better place. By making her a good human, I am helping to insure a positive future. So really the priority is that. Another example, getting up early to fit my workout in. Important to me, but why? Working out, makes me feel powerful and confident. My head is clear, my emotions are more stable. When I am in this state I am more creative, kind, and can serve others better. Cool! So then I might look at my calendar and see an event that is scheduled that I’m kind of dreading, it’s not truly an obligation, it’s going to be draining my energy, and zapping my confidence, keeping me up later, so I might miss my workout, It’s not in alignment with my priorities of inner and outer service and stewardship, it will be taking time away from something that I really enjoy like spending quality time with my daughter. It’s very clearly a no, but what about the guilt, obligation, and taking responsibility for others feeling?
What can we do about it?
Take an inventory: Are we resilient enough to withstand the guilt (remember guilt is only a feeling)? Yes, we absolutely are! Is it a true or perceived obligation? Can we stop being responsible for everyone else and trust that they will be OK? Takes practice, but it is a possibility.
In my practice I help clients, get clear on their priorities, find strength in their voice as they say “yes” and “no”, make choices that give them energy and are in alignment with their purpose and become master time managers. How? Through a structured system that offers support, stretch, and the right accountability. To schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org