What are you worth?
... Way more then you let yourself believe... What circumstances are keeping you from living your dreams? Are you too busy, too broke, too old, is it the kids, the hubby, your job?
I have been there too.
My old story was, I couldn't afford to invest in my happiness. I lived day in and day out wanting something more. I had a deep urge to find my purpose, a strong desire to step into my power, and an intense wish to serve and make an impact.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
How did I move from stuck?
Looking back, I can see how I started and continued to build a group of loving and unshakable supporters, who held space and acted as resources as I began to shake up my career, my life, and step into my value by investing more time and money into my growth.
Those supporters believed enough in me so that I could start to believe in myself which translated into the seemingly magical creation of cash. (literally, I adopted a wonderful high-end private pilates clientele overnight when a seasoned and well-loved teacher moved to another city).
As I increased my possibility in the form of cash, I was able to start hiring support. My counselor supported and stretched me beyond my limiting beliefs and helped me heal from my past traumas. I stepped into my power a little more and began to discover my purpose. I wanted to coach and help people create the experience that they wanted to have just like I was. I found a coaching school, and I wanted to hire a private coach.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
Fortunately, When I couldn't stand for my dreams, my supporters did. I hired a coach and she supported me through my fear and stretched me into what was really possible and guess what, I excelled in school and will be graduating in November. I still have a roof over my head and a budding, purposeful, exciting, and lucrative career.
As I increased the possibility of who I was becoming, I knew I could move so much more quickly with support to grow into that person. I had a re-enrollment conversation with my coach. It was big; this was the ticket, I knew all the way to my bones.
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.
Once again, when I couldn't stand for my possibility, I was so lucky to have created and invested in a massive support structure that could. Without it I would still be living in "I can't afford it" and that would totally suck.
As your coach, I am a stand for your dreams, even when life throws you unexpected curve balls and you feel too busy, too broke, too old, or maybe it's the kids, the hubby, or your job, even when you think your circumstances or more powerful than your dreams. I will support and stretch you so that you can have the experience you want and so much more.
Coaching is all about creating the experience you want to have. To get a feel for what it is and to be clear about what it isn't, schedule a complimentary clarity session today. You are worth it.
self-sacrifice, no winners in that game
Self- Sacrifice - the giving over of oneself or one's own interests for the benefit, or the supposed benefit, of others.
You think that by putting others first, people will give you more love, your position in the tribe will be held sacred and from the love and belonging your self-sacrifice creates you feel safer in life.
The truth is the more you self-sacrifice, the less you love yourself, the tribe comes to expect your overgiving, which increases your resentment and drives a wedge between you and the tribe. So guess what, you just wholly wrecked your experience of love safety and belonging. Whoops!
What if you tried putting yourself first instead?
So what now? It's a little thing called personal responsibility. Observe what comes up for you when you realize it's all in your hands. It can be scary because there is a lot of power for success at your discretion. It's also scary if you choose, AKA making a big non-negotiable decision that you are going to go for your dreams, you don't get to hide behind the shield of self-sacrifice anymore.
We all know what that shield sounds like, "I'll go after my dreams once everyone else is taken care of."
Well, you will be waiting forever, and how convenient to blame someone else for your playing small and not developing what you came here to do. It's much easier to stomach if it's on someone else.
Trade your shields for boundaries. Sheilds set us up to take responsibility for everyone but our selves. Boundaries allow us to be in our truth free from liability for others reactions.
So once again I ask of you, be brave and put yourself first. my mentor Stacey Morgenstern once reminded me, "You will not be abandoned by the world if you claim yourself as whole."
... but if you don't tap into the courage and responsibility to prioritize numero uno, you have abandoned yourself, and in turn the world.
If you would like to stop self-sacrificing and find freedom through healthy boundaries so that you can live your dreams. Schedule a free clarity session with me. The time is now!
The Inception of Reception
I have been steeped deep into a conversation, of power, fulfillment, liberation, connection, self-expression and true success, or what I like to call our sphere of brilliant being. The way I see it one can only live in that place if they are willing to BE three things.
I have been interviewing as many women who will let me on this topic, and my findings have been amazing. I’m telling you people – The struggle for self-love, authenticity, and taking up the space that is our birth-rite is real, yet I have complete faith that with clear awareness, and empowered action we can all up-level and spend a whole lot more time in our personal version of brilliance.
Much of what I hear is how difficult finding space to grow our self-love can be, or where even to start.
Well, one place we can look is our ability and readiness to receive. Most of us or very adept at deflecting, refusing, and ignoring the many opportunities, blessing, and kindness’s that come into our space each day. We need to move into our day with eyes and heart wide open, scouting for positive energy that is just waiting to land on us and increase our experience of self-love.
A colleague of mine illustrated the old defeating cycle, awareness, and then a new choice of action that served her perfectly.
I asked her for a favor; I wanted to pick her brain about her experience of her brilliance. The interview went well, and we both had some new insights and aha’s, in other words, it was valuable because we both brought our value to the table.
I later sent her a thank you email and asked for her address so I could send her a small gift of appreciation.
She responded, “No need for gifts. Thank you for reaching out to me.”
Wow! Although I know it was absolutely not her intention, It felt like an abrupt snub. The way she cut off the flow of positive energy was a visceral experience for me.
I thought, “how many time had I damned the energy flow, out of trying to be polite, or not take up too much space, or being able to the vulnerability that comes up when someone had offered me aid or a gift of some kind.”
The answer? A LOT. We all do this. It’s in our programming to be demure and giving, but most of us missed the day they taught receiving 101. When we drop into this pattern it is in service to NO ONE!
So I went into coach mode on my friend, and this was my response,
“I did want to invite you to practice receiving (sorry coach in me can't stop). Where else do you cut off receiving? Learning to receive is a big piece of being unconditionally in love with yourself and being able to hold space for your brilliance. Receiving a gift, a compliment, help of any kind is a way to practice owning your value. At its most simple, it's just an exchange of positive energy - something for the (your) value you gave me. Where else do you stop up the flow of positive energy? Up to you what you want to do with that... I respect whatever your choice is and no more unsolicited coaching, I promise ;)”
And guess what?
She took one small step to rewrite her pattern and another towards her value, self-love and her brilliance when she responded with her address.
Get curious, where do you cut off your self- love? Would you like to be experiencing something different that is in service to your liberation? What is one thing you can do today to let a little more love in? I live for these types of conversations, and I’d love to have one with you. You can book your free clarity session with me here.
Follow me on Facebook for regular chats like this one.
Stop tolerating less than brilliant
I was sitting in the bright calming office of my therapist, the light, floral motif, and soothing colors were somehow feeding my rage and sadness. With tears running down my face, I loudly complained, "I hate my life, I hate my husband, and I hate my 3-year-old, but most of all I HATE myself for being such an ungrateful, vicious monster."
Had you been there in that moment you would have tasted the shame, anger, and desperation emanating from me. I have had many periods in my life of meh, ho-hum, to downright depression, but this was bad! I was breaking apart.
Luckily through the therapy, personal coaching and the inner work/ personal development I have consistently engaged in, along with what I observe in my clients, I see these less than desirable low vibrational episodes as an absolute gift. I have taken the feedback and formulated it into a system that helps me and my clients come back into brilliance when we fall out of alignment.
When I talk about brilliance I mean an experience of being fulfilled, free, fully self-expressed, and genuinely successful, whatever that means to the individual.
I believe that we need to be running on all cylinders in the areas of self-love, authenticity, and the practice of taking up space unapologetically. I see our true collective nature as brilliant and when we feel ourselves being less than that (which happens because we're human). We can look into these three areas and do a self-check. Leave judgment at the door and get really curious about what needs more attention. Maybe some work could be done on the ability to receive, the experience of health, or the willingness to surrender.
What's cool is with some focus, self- awareness, and consenting to let go of what isn't serving, and creating space for what is, we can move into our sphere of brilliance, and the possibilities for whatever we can dream up are right at our fingertips.
As I connect into my brilliance and sustain it for longer periods of time, I get so excited about my journey. I often find myself in flow, life is more often than not showing up fun and easy, and I'm happy to say I love my family, and myself even the viscious monster part, more than ever.
To create some clarity, support, and accountability around what's keeping you out of your sphere of brilliance, or how to get even more brilliant, book a free conversation here.
Happy New year's Evoltution!
Happy 2018! This is my year of TRUST and EVOLUTION. Let me explain how I got here, and why my evolution is so relevant>>>
I have been engaged in continuing education with the Health Coach Institute since July 2016. I completed the health coach certification early 2017. I am slated to complete the Advanced Transformational Coaching Methodology (TCM) and the Life Coach Certification by the end of January 2018. I am enrolled in the yearlong Mastery program for TCM. It has been a fantastic whirlwind of learning and personal transformation. I am doing things and being seen out in the world in ways that 18 months ago would have been way too scary and out of reach for me to even attempt. This journey has increased my self-awareness, helped to heal my food and body issues, allowed me to acknowledge and release my addiction to perfectionism, and created space for me to tap into my desires and trust that I can make my dreams come true. On a professional level, I have learned practices, question sequences and strategies to help me and my clients make profound neurological changes that not only upgrade habits but beliefs and identity too.
Of course, I am still me, a work in progress constantly learning and growing. I have moments of crippling self-doubt, periodic deep sadness bordering on depression, habitual perfectionism that occasionally sneaks up and steals my joy. There’s the worry, anxiety, and lack of trust that I am enough, that I can connect deeply, and that things will be ok. However, even with all this human-ness, I have learned that I am completely powerful and capable, and I am here to share my gifts to be of service to you. My continued evolution is imperative to the service that I can and intend to contribute to you and the world.
I came to that realization by tapping into my deepest desires, CHOOSING to stand fully in my value, and creating and investing in a community that is always there to stretch me past my perceived limits. One that supports me, to take another step forward even when I have convinced myself that I can’t do it. I am building my muscle of choice to live in my empowered truth of “anything is possible, and there is always a way.” I hold this truth for you too, even when you can’t hold it for yourself.
My coaching practice has been evolving since I began my studies. Initially, I concentrated solely on the field of health as that is what I knew. Eventually, I started to understand that nourishment, movement, and self-care work so much better when they are rooted in self-love.
Self-love is so much bigger than that chocolate cake; the “I hate exercise” mantra or those last 20 pounds. I still see vibrant health, self-love, and radical self-care as the foundation for high vibrational living. What I find interesting is, as my clients begin to master their health, they achieve greater clarity and more connection to what it is they truly want. This is where the magic begins to happen. They get curious about how to get to the next phase. The phase of purpose, impact, full self-expression.
Life is one transition after another, from our parent’s homes out into the real world, moving between jobs, relationships, parenthood, empty nest, weight loss/gain, aging, you name it, life never stops throwing curveballs/opportunities that help us to become more OURSELVES.
Investing in coaching that offers a well thought out plan, support and accountability can move you quickly past fear, and into your life best lived. Time is too valuable to spend old repeating patterns that don’t serve you. I can help you discover the path and the actions required to live the life you truly desire and deserve.
I support women in transition who feel drained, overwhelmed, and misaligned with their aspirations so that they can reclaim and replenish their bad-ass selves and crush it in their next phase without guilt or apology.
If you or anyone you know is locked in the uncertainty or fear of transition, unsure of what the next best step is… Craving the freedom to come out of hiding and share your gifts the world so desperately needs… Call me or share.
I am a stand for your freedom. Show the world what you’ve got this year.
Step 1: Check in with yourself, are you ready for significant transformation this year? If the answer is yes move to step 2.
Step 2: Book a free Own Your Life, Live You Vision strategy session with me, (even if you have had one in the past) 208-720-6427, email@example.com.
Step 3: Invest in a 1:1 or group coaching program, Next group starts 1/29/18, 28 days Resolution to Results.
Step 4: Share with someone you love who is also up to big things. Reach out to your community, start connecting.
Why is goal setting like peanut Butter?
Well it's not, but I wanted to share some thoughts on goal setting anyway...
I was recently interviewed by my buddies over at Tune Up. It was cool because it really got me thinking about what has and hasn't worked for me. This is what I came up with...
TU: Why is goal setting important?
J: Goals help you create a path of growth and transformation. Without a doubt, along the way, you will find clarity and fulfillment. Without goals you may have the experience in 1, 5, or 10 years of, “how did I get to this unfulfilling place” or “is this all there is?”
TU: Do you use any tools that make goal setting easier for you?
J: First, I get clear on my desires. Then, I choose to honor my value/worth. (Without this piece desires won’t matter, because you won’t actually believe you deserve them). Lastly, I commit to a plan with the proper structure, support, and accountability.
TU: What are your top 3 recommendations for clarifying your goals?
J: One, figure out what is most important to you about the goal you are setting. Two, get curious! Who will you have to be and what will you have to embrace? More importantly, what will you need to let go of in order to have success. Three, hire a coach.
TU: What elements are essential to goal planning?
J: It is essential to have an open-ness and desire for change. Break the goal down into small digestible chunks, overwhelm kills commitment faster than anything. Practice celebrating the little wins, consistent 1% daily progress is what gets you there; small hinges swing big doors. Be flexible. Rigidity decreases our resilience to the things life throws at us. Use your senses. What will it feel, look, sound, taste, and smell like when the goal is complete.
TU:How do you track your goals?
J: I track in my journal sometimes. I also have goal tracking sheets for my business, finances, and the way I am showing up in the world on a bulletin board in my office. This is the most powerful because I look at it everyday, several times a day.
TU: Do you have any tools that make goal setting easier for you?
J: I have a monthly earnings tracking sheet that was presented in one of my coaching classes. It’s useful, particularly because it tracks change, and provides a way to measure what I’m up to. What you measure and track you can change. I also created a financial tracker to help me put my earnings into savings. I also tend to track my goals and intentions on my desk calendar at home. For me visibility is key.
TU: Do you practice goal setting rituals and if so how often?
.J: I am in the process of establishing a monthly new-moon ritual where I tap into who I need to be showing up in the world as in order to reach my various goals. Once I am clear on my intention of being-ness. I start being that way — for example “joyfully excited”, even in the seemingly mundane aspects of my life, right away. I set goals & intentions at the beginning of each year, and I reconnect with those at my birthday. Lastly, anytime I start a new continuing education I set a goal for clarity on what I want to get out of it.
TU: What helps you get your mind in the right space?
J: In addition to my rituals and intentions setting — I use meditation, oracle cards, and tarot cards to help connect me to my intuition, desires, and worth.
TU: If somebody is having trouble finding a new years resolution, what’s your advice?
J: If you are having trouble finding a New Year’s resolution, take inventory and dare to desire…
Try this:Divide a piece of paper into three columns.
1. What is going well in my life? (Always start with gratitude).
2. What is not going well in my life?
3. What would I like to experience instead?
This will help you figure out what you want. Then let the action begin!
Want more? Join me for my next group program >>>
28 Days: Resolutions to Results starts 1/29/18
What to expect:
Session 2: How to ask for what you want and get it.
Session 3: Honoring intentions and honing your boundaries.
The Private session will clarify your desires further, troubleshoot common forms of self-sabotage, and create a plan for your next best step forward.
→Tune Up Member/Non-member: $357/$397← Sign up HERE
I went a little wild testing some vegan cookie recipes this weekend.
I am after all hosting Christmas eve this year and I love cookies, so I wanted to make sure I was properly prepped to do some killer entertaining, enjoy some treats and adhere to my plant-based intentions.
I had posted about being disappointed in myself over Thanksgiving, because I let the circumstances and my fear of not belonging take over my food decision making.
I vowed the next holiday would be on my terms, while still including everyone.
So on to the Cookies!
Vegan SuGar Cookies
These were awesomely easy, we refrigerated the dough for about an hour before rolling it out.
I would probably add a little vegan butter to the icing next time.
As is, the icing was great for a drizzle, but the flavor was a bit flat. I guess I just prefer a creamier frosting.
Totally kid friendly. K helped me from start to finish.
Vegan Molasses-Spice cookies
These are my favorite!
They are super spicy and chewy, and smell like Christmas.
Perfect for getting into that Holiday state of mind.
1 Preheat oven to 350°F. Vigorously whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, allspice in a bowl and set aside.
2 Use an electric mixer and beat the butter for 2 minutes. Add the brown sugar, and 1/2 cup granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes with mixer set at medium speed. Add egg, vanilla extract, and molasses. Beat until combined, about 30 seconds. Scrape down sides of bowl with a rubber spatula.
3 Add dry ingredients and beat at low speed until just combined, about 30 seconds. Dough is pretty sticky
4 Place remaining 1/3 cup of granulated sugar in a shallow bowl. Working with 2 Tbsp of dough each time, roll dough into 1 3/4 inch balls. Roll balls in sugar and place on ungreased cookie sheets, spacing them 1 1/2 to 2 inches apart.
5 Bake until the outer edges of the cookies begin to set and centers are soft and puffy, about 11 to 13 minutes. Cool cookies on sheets for 2 to 3 minutes before transferring them to cooling racks . (We did 13 minutes and they were great!)
Note: do not overcook. The centers of the cookies should be somewhat soft and spongy when you take them out of the oven, otherwise they will end up hard and dry.
Poblano Cashew Nut Cheese and self sabotage
My Journey into the world of plant based has been an amazing and challenging adventure. My intention was to do the best I can, learn as much as possible and have fun with it.
But guess what? I practically fell to pieces over Thanksgiving, because of the butter and cream that was in EVERYTHING. I knew in advance that I was going to partake in the crab legs, but was sure I would stay plant based everywhere else...
I caved, not necessarily because I was craving the old family favorites, but because I was afraid of losing belonging in my family tribe. I didn't want to stand out or be the Thanksgiving pain in the ass, who changed all the recipes to suit my needs. I totally veered off the my path to fit in. I felt out of integrity, and I got real judge-y on myself. But, oh how important it was for me to belong. This is a human condition though. I am not alone. We are hard wired to conform, at one time in history, our survival depended on it.
This is a super common catalyst for self sabotage, that shows up in social engagements., gatherings, and celebrations of all kinds. You know when Great Aunt Sally singles you out...
"Your so tiny, your wasting away, why are you eating like a bird?"
"Here have a double helping of my famous mashed potatoes, a cup of gravy, and make sure to eat all, so you don't hurt my feelings."
Well I can't say that the discomfort of standing out and being different when it comes to your health won't go away. However, you can begin to practice:
The answer to your prayers... Be the most popular chef at your next holiday party!
Poblano Cashew Nut Cheese
1 generous C. of cashews, soaked for 4-24 hours and rinsed
2 TBS nutritional yeast
2 TBS fresh squeezed lemon juice
1 roasted garlic clove
1/4-3/4 inch slice roasted onion adjust to taste
1/2-1 roasted poblano pepper, seeds, and outer film removed
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1/4 C water, adjust for desired consistency
Pulse in a food processor, vitamix works too
Will keep for 6 days refrigerated in an airtight container.
Enjoy, this is amazing mixed with rice or pasta too.
Connect with me for more tips to recognize and defeat self sabotage, yummy recipes, and killer support so you can reclaim, and prioritize your bad ass self, and have the health and relationships you've dreamed about. Here's to owning it!
Fears and Miracles a love story...
It would feel practically MIRACULOUS if we succeeded in accomplishing a resolution we set at the beginning of a new year (I say sarcastically). But, you know why I say that? In a group of 100 people 8 will achieve their goals, while the rest of are saddled with that haunting weight of failure, and disappointment. Ugh, I hate that feeling.
So let's talk about the difference between a person who experiences desired results vs. the person who experiences undesirable results (notice this distinction... we all get some result, and we are all winning the game that we are playing - more on that later...).
I recently conducted a survey, and I found that the most common and largest barrier that gets between us and our desires is FEAR!
As a coach I'd love to say, "I can help you eradicate all FEAR."
NOPE, I wouldn't be the coach you expected me to be, trying to spoon feed you that fantasy.
I will admit, I feel fear everyday, sometimes down right terror. Each time I do a Live Video, share authentically, show up and play the game with a whole heart. What I have discovered is that you can be really afraid and really ready at the same time. You can feel copious amounts of fear and do your dreams anyway.
Now, I welcome fear ( maybe an overstatement, but... it stops me less and less). My fear is proof to me that I am playing big. Fear creates focus and aliveness, so that my contribution is more clear, centered, and real. When I take that bold leap out of paralyzation/ nonalignment, that's where I find motivation and creation/alignment. I have to face and move through my fear over and over, every day in order to stay in my unique alignment. We all do. It's what creates desired results.
Resolutions are never really about the thing, You know, that ideal picture we have in our mind... A resolution is the resolve to:
1. Honor your deepest desires, or maybe to figure what they even are.
2. Realize and step into your true value (which is always way higher than you give yourself credit for.)
3. Love yourself enough, to make the choices that are in alignment with what you really want.
Like I said in the beginning, we are all winning the game we're playing. How? If you want to be playing the game of "optimal health", you actually have to play it to the best of your ability the majority of the time. Let's say you resolve to play optimal health, but you go home and binge eat ice-cream 4 out of 7 days. Your result is going to be stomach aches, muffin top, and sugar roller coaster. The game your actually playing might be called, "I don't value my health enough to make the choices that will provide me with optimal health". So you are winning, but your playing wrong game. So, WHAT game are YOU playing?
When you are tapped into your desires, personal value, and deep self love, your courage soars, you smile at fear, you take empowered action again and again and again. When you follow the rules of the game you want to be playing consistently, miracles occur.
On December 18, 2018 at 6:00 pm MST, I will be discussing 3 ways to make a resolution stick. Make a choice to honor yourself ,your desires and create a miraculous life. Join me for this FREE virtual webinar.
RSVP here for the link.
I can really struggle with balance, I tend to be all or nothing black or white. It used to be, one missed work out could lead to a month or more with no structured activity, or one cookie would lead to the whole bag, and (I still work on this one regularly). So why are we so good at compartmentalizing, why does it show up as either, or? I am so ready for both, and more. Do you know how we do one thing is how we do everything? Let’s say you are humming along at work, busy, busy, making money, getting things done, but because of that you don’t have time to take care of your body, or maybe your relationships are suffering. So when you are assessing things, look to the weakest link. Bring that part of your life up and everything else will elevate too. Life is like a pie, each piece part of the whole. If you forgot to put filling in one piece the whole pie suffers. We want the whole pie to be as delicious as possible
So what would creating a more balanced lifestyle look like?
Great question! Creating a more balanced lifestyle would mean taking a really good look at all areas of your life: relationships, career, money, exercise, health…and making decisions about what is and isn’t working in each area. Sometimes the reason we stay stuck in unhealthy or unhappy areas of our lives is because it’s easier, in a way, to stay stuck in the familiarity than to find the creativity and energy to make the changes needed to improve our quality of life and move into the unknown. Let’s face it that unknown can be scary, even if it’s subconscious.
But don’t worry, I am here to help you begin to IMAGINE what your life in balance would look and feel like! But first...
How will I know if my current lifestyle is unbalanced?
● Are you used to getting things done on your own, but could use a little support?
● Do you want to build a healthier relationship to food?
● Do you eat when you are bored, angry, sad, or stressed out?
● Do you want to develop a deeper connection to yourself and others?
● Do you want to be empowered to be your own health expert?
● Do you want to be inspired about healthy cooking?
● Do you want to discover optimal eating for your unique body?
● Do you want more confidence, energy, and self-acceptance?
● Do you want to be challenged in new ways?
● Do you want to be held accountable to show up for yourself?
What do I do now?
If you are ready to embrace the best version of your life possible, schedule a clarity session, contact at jacqui@fitbodhi and let’s talk about the important steps to take to make changes in your lifestyle that will help you CREATE your DREAM life!
When Yes doesn't mean yes.
Do You Know When and How to Say Yes and No?
Here we are at the very beginning of the holiday season, I'm not sure about you but for me the holidays tend to be excessive. Too much sugar, alcohol, spending, not enough me time. This year I am speaking out loud for you and the universe to hear, "No More"
How often do we find ourselves at work or at a social gathering, or with a specific person doing a specific activity, eating a specific food and the first thought or maybe the first after thought is, “What the hell am I doing ?” It's not fun, It's not supporting me in the powerful life I'm interested in creating, and there is the strong feeling of life force being sucked away. This choice that has been made, our choices, are taking us in the opposite direction we want to go.
So how does this keep happening?
I used to feel this way and ask myself these same questions constantly, and I won’t lie, it still comes up. I feel obligated, I feel guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Can you relate? Well, enough already! What about us? How come we always come second? So it really comes down to honoring your yes’s and no’s. One good place to start is when you say yes to something is it going to give you energy and value? How do you know in yourself that that is true, is it a physical feeling that you get, or maybe you can truly calculate the value as a bonus to your life? How do you know when to say no? Will it be a drain on your time, energy, or money, what are the physical feelings to pay attention to in that case?
Many of us feel that “no” is a dirty word, but if “no” is said with kindness in a timely and firm manner, no guilt or unrest should be attached to it.
So let’s create clarity.
What are your top 5 priorities? It’s important to get past the to do lists… for example you might say taking care of your children is your number one priority. Yes important, but surface. What is actually underneath that to do? For me, taking good care of my daughter is important not only because I love her dearly, but I see it as stewardship for the planet and humanity, a way to make the world a better place. By making her a good human, I am helping to insure a positive future. So really the priority is that. Another example, getting up early to fit my workout in. Important to me, but why? Working out, makes me feel powerful and confident. My head is clear, my emotions are more stable. When I am in this state I am more creative, kind, and can serve others better. Cool! So then I might look at my calendar and see an event that is scheduled that I’m kind of dreading, it’s not truly an obligation, it’s going to be draining my energy, and zapping my confidence, keeping me up later, so I might miss my workout, It’s not in alignment with my priorities of inner and outer service and stewardship, it will be taking time away from something that I really enjoy like spending quality time with my daughter. It’s very clearly a no, but what about the guilt, obligation, and taking responsibility for others feeling?
What can we do about it?
Take an inventory: Are we resilient enough to withstand the guilt (remember guilt is only a feeling)? Yes, we absolutely are! Is it a true or perceived obligation? Can we stop being responsible for everyone else and trust that they will be OK? Takes practice, but it is a possibility.
In my practice I help clients, get clear on their priorities, find strength in their voice as they say “yes” and “no”, make choices that give them energy and are in alignment with their purpose and become master time managers. How? Through a structured system that offers support, stretch, and the right accountability. To schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Lose weight on the air diet!
Ridiculous of course! But breathing, oxygen and weight-loss are connected
Breathing is proof that we are alive, proof that we are enough. The breath allows us to move with intention. The breath is an extension of our emotions. Yet the breath is easily forgotten and ignored. When is the last time you thought about your breath? Maybe in the last, yoga class you were in when you were reminded again and again of the power of the breath. You know, I feel like we all need to find our inner yoga teacher to remind ourselves to breathe mindfully more! Not only does it turn on the relaxation (also known as the feel and heal, or rest and digest) response, and help us practice mindfulness, but it can also help you to stoke your metabolism. Hopefully that will bring you attention to the breath!
A lot of people don’t know that oxygen is actually a key nutrient to speeding up your metabolism. Yet, oxygen is almost completely ignored in most nutrition books.
What’s important about oxygen when it comes to weight loss and increasing your metabolic burn?
Most experts focus on carbs, proteins and fats but ignore the one key nutrient—OXYGEN—that helps to burn all of these nutrients in the body better. The bottom line on oxygen is that when you breathe, you burn more energy. Think of the analogy of building a fire. When you build a fire you need two things: wood for fuel and good air circulation. The same is true in your gut. You need food for fuel and oxygen to stoke your metabolic fire.
This is one of the reasons why physical exercise is so powerful—it increases the body’s oxygen intake and teaches the body to use that oxygen to burn fat even more efficiently.
How can I start breathing while eating?
Try this simple trick—put your utensils down 3 times in your meal. Each time you put your utensils down, take a breath or 3. You can even do this when you’re at a work dinner or out with friends—it can be your little secret!
What do I do now?
In my health coaching practice, I help my clients completely transform HOW and WHY they eat, so they can find their ideal weight and gain energy easily and naturally without any crazy fad diets. If you’re ready for a radical new approach to weight loss and health, then schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at email@example.com or and let’s talk about simple changes that will give you BIG results.
Help I need a fix!
I tend to be enrolled in some sort of course, educational institution, workshop or personal growth literature at all times. What can I say, I love self-inquiry and the pursuit of self-fulfillment and peak experiences. I feel that I have always been a seeker and it really became a strong driving force in my life in my 20’s. Not much has changed in that respect. However my deeper motivations have definitely changed. As a younger women I was bogged down by not being enough and not having enough. Most of my self-improvement experience was entrenched in filling a gaping hole or fixing that broken part of me that at the time felt irreparable. The poor self-esteem and lack of self-love I struggled with made my approach to self-improvement harsh and unkind. I deprived myself of enjoyment, I overworked my body, and the reel in my head repeated that I wasn’t smart enough and I would never figure it out among other unkind sentiments. Fast forward to now, I feel like I finally have a grasp on self-acceptance. I still sometimes deal with some inner critic, but she’s not so mean usually, and I have more power in telling her to shut the F*#! Up. I no longer see myself as broken or un-whole, but rather I am a work in progress remembering and moving into the whole person that I always have been, but had just forgotten. So the distinction between then and now seems to be it was an outside job (pursuing external validation and material things to prove my worth) to an inside job ( building self-awareness and self-compassion and exploring and then imagining in myself, the state of existence that a person who is happy, fulfilled, positive, and trusts that they are enough has. It’s a state of being rather than all the doing we sometimes get distracted by.
So how does one make the shift?
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but one catalyst for me a few years back came as I was preparing for a yoga workshop that I was scheduled to teach. I found a poster from Mindful.org titled 7 Things Mindful People Do differently
you can google it, but this is my interpretation:
I'm an asshole, my 6 year old told me so.
I was as usual, rushing around, waking up way earlier than my natural clock likes, to journal and work out the only time I could fit it in.
Moving from pilates lesson to pilates lesson all day long, putting in a 1/2 hour commute 2 ways each day.
Shutting myself in my office as soon as I got home to build my coaching business, breaking for a rushed dinner and then back to the grind and the glow of the computer screen.
Maybe a little inspirational reading before closing my eyes only to be kept awake by my whirling mind and then finally some rest, but never quite enough...
ALARM and repeat. Sound familiar?
Well, here was my wake up call.... As I was rushing off to yet another late night meeting, which held the promise of missing bedtime yet again, My daughter burst into tears. "You are never here! You never read to me!" There was a pause, and then she glared and calmly stated, "But I'm used to it, it's been like this for the last two years." then she averted her eyes, and I had to go to my meeting.
Cue... broken heart. Yes I do understand children are master manipulators, but this did get me thinking... I wasn't happy with my over scheduled life or the limited time I had for fun and connection with my love ones. It had actually been bumming me out for a long time, but the pleaser in me didn't want to let any of my clients down by shaking things up, the financially fearful part of me didn't want to bite the hand that had been feeding me so well for the last few years, in other words it was status quo all the way.
However, my daughter's reaction was finally the catalyst I needed to take action and really start creating a life I love. (just like I coach my clients on each day). I am so happy to say the day after that meeting, I started telling clients I was moving my practice to a studio closer to my home, and they were invited if it worked for them.
This change will be happening in a couple of weeks, so I will finally commit to block scheduling, work and at least 1/2 as much self care. Special evenings of connection and fun with my dear ones and trusting that by walking my talk and being intentional towards my truth.
The universe will respond with supportive energy.
A huge shout out to my baby girl for finally shaking me awake.
What wake up calls, red flags or sirens are going off in your life? Are you honoring the message? What will it take for you to get unstuck and open yourself to a new possibility and create the life you love? Get in touch if you want to explore possibilty.
Authenticity or Just plain BS?
My husband told me last night he hates the word authenticity/ and authentic. "Way too buzzy," he said. "It sounds like a word a bullshitter uses to screw you out of something"
Ugh, I was starting to get a little upset... Authenticity has been my life's focus, and what I try to help other people find. I took a deep breath and stayed calm, and decided to ask more questions and he in turned asked me more, "What DOES that word mean to you?" and we had a nice dialogue. I don't know that we totally came eye to eye on the topic, but I did know that I needed to do another "glossary" post. Jargon does get in the way of mindful honest connection. As humans, we need to really be courageous enough to ask the questions at the risk of possibly appearing stupid, to get to the deep connection and understanding we all hope for. So here we go....
For me, authenticity is a feeling of full self expression, freedom, joy, the ability to be fully honest and let go of fear of judgment, fear of not belonging. Being completely authentic is a complete belonging to self. It's courageous and exhilarating, and when one is fully emerged in their authentic being anything and everything is possible. Now, as I am only 50% of a conversation/ relationship, I'm curious, what does it mean to you?
How did my ego get to be such an