​One of the most potent obstructions of our brilliance is that inner voice that lets us know, 
"Not now."
"Too risky."
"You're not ready."
...And that's when she's being nice. Sometimes she's way more abrupt and downright abusive.
I call her my inner mean girl, her name is Bechelle, and she's a B. Other people might refer to this voice as the ego, or the ego gone wild.

Bechelle used to be a lot meaner and louder, at her worst she said, 
"Don't love yourself, you're not worthy."
"Don't be yourself, because nobody is going to love that."
"Stay small, and hide out, no one is interested in your joker gifts."

For a long time, I was at war with Bechelle; I would scream and yell back at her, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut the F up!"
I'd plead,  " Why are you torturing me, please stop."
and then a lot of the time I would just give in and agree, 
"She must be right; I really am a shitty person." 

My response ran the gamut from resistance, disregarding, outrage, and acceptance. None of those served me very well, in either bolstering my esteem or getting her off my case.

So what did I do? I got super curious, 
"Why are you here?"
"What do you need?"
"What can I learn from you?"

I began to get to know Bechelle, and I realized she had my best interest at heart even though her methods were really ineffective. I saw she just wanted me to be safe, and loved, and to belong. She had a lot of fear, that could be quelled by massive amounts of self-care, and mindfulness. So that's what I gave her in thanks for all the hard work she had done most of my life.

She's become much quieter, and softer, and when she pops up to share her advice, In a kind voice I say, "Thanks, I know you have my best interest at heart, I understand you are afraid, and I am a resourceful, empowered adult and I've got this."

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... Way more then you let yourself believe... ​What circumstances are keeping you from living your dreams? Are you too busy, too broke, too old, is it the kids, the hubby, your job?

I have been there too. 

My old story was, I couldn't afford to invest in my happiness. I lived day in and day out wanting something more. I had a deep urge to find my purpose, a strong desire to step into my power, and an intense wish to serve and make an impact.

But...
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.

​How did I move from stuck?

Looking back, I can see how I  started and continued to build a group of loving and unshakable supporters, who held space and acted as resources as I began to shake up my career, my life, and step into my value by investing more time and money into my growth.

Those supporters believed enough in me so that I could start to believe in myself which translated into the seemingly magical creation of cash. (literally, I adopted a wonderful high-end private pilates clientele overnight when a seasoned and well-loved teacher moved to another city).

As I increased my possibility in the form of cash, I was able to start hiring support. My counselor supported and stretched me beyond my limiting beliefs and helped me heal from my past traumas. I  stepped into my power a little more and began to discover my purpose. I  wanted to coach and help people create the experience that they wanted to have just like I was. I found a coaching school, and I wanted to hire a private coach.

But...
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.

Fortunately, ​When I couldn't stand for my dreams, my supporters did. I hired a coach and she supported me through my fear and stretched me into what was really possible and guess what, I excelled in school and will be graduating in November. I still have a roof over my head and a budding, purposeful, exciting, and lucrative career.

As I increased the possibility of who I was becoming, I knew I could move so much more quickly with support to grow into that person. I had a re-enrollment conversation with my coach. It was big; this was the ticket, I knew all the way to my bones.

But...
"I couldn't afford it."
My circumstances were more powerful than my dreams. Simple as that. I was not able to hold the vision of what I wanted, my life situation was in control and that totally sucked.

Once again, when I couldn't stand for my possibility, I was so lucky to have created and invested in a massive support structure that could.  Without it I would still be living in "I can't afford it" and that would totally suck.

​As your coach, I am a stand for your dreams, even when life throws you unexpected curve balls and you feel too busy, too broke, too old, or maybe it's the kids, the hubby, or your job, even when you think your circumstances or more powerful than your dreams. I will support and stretch you so that you can have the experience you want and so much more.

Coaching is all about creating the experience you want to have. To get a feel for what it is and to be clear about what it isn't, schedule a complimentary clarity session today. You are worth it.

Self- Sacrifice - the giving over of oneself or one's own interests for the benefit, or the supposed benefit, of others.

You think that by putting others first, people will give you more love, your position in the tribe will be held sacred and from the love and belonging your self-sacrifice creates you feel safer in life.

The truth is the more you self-sacrifice, the less you love yourself, the tribe comes to expect your overgiving, which increases your resentment and drives a wedge between you and the tribe. So guess what, you just wholly wrecked your experience of love safety and belonging. Whoops!

What if you tried putting yourself first instead?

​So what now? It's a little thing called personal responsibility. Observe what comes up for you when you realize it's all in your hands. It can be scary because there is a lot of power for success at your discretion. It's also scary if you choose, AKA making a big non-negotiable decision that you are going to go for your dreams, you don't get to hide behind the shield of self-sacrifice anymore. 

We all know what that shield sounds like, "I'll go after my dreams once everyone else is taken care of."

Well, you will be waiting forever, and how convenient to blame someone else for your playing small and not developing what you came here to do. It's much easier to stomach if it's on someone else.

​Trade your shields for boundaries. Sheilds set us up to take responsibility for everyone but our selves. Boundaries allow us to be in our truth free from liability for others reactions.

So once again I ask of you, be brave and put yourself first. my mentor Stacey Morgenstern once reminded me, "You will not be abandoned by the world if you claim yourself as whole."

... but if you don't tap into the courage and responsibility to prioritize numero uno, you have abandoned yourself, and in turn the world.

If you would like to stop self-sacrificing and find freedom through healthy boundaries so that you can live your dreams. Schedule a free clarity session with me. The time is now!

​I have been steeped deep into a conversation, of power, fulfillment, liberation, connection, self-expression and true success, or what I like to call our sphere of brilliant being. The way I see it one can only live in that place if they are willing to BE three things.

• BE in unconditional self-love
• BE real
• BE expansive

​I have been interviewing as many women who will let me on this topic, and my findings have been amazing. I’m telling you people – The struggle for self-love, authenticity, and taking up the space that is our birth-rite is real, yet I have complete faith that with clear awareness, and empowered action we can all up-level and spend a whole lot more time in our personal version of brilliance.

Much of what I hear is how difficult finding space to grow our self-love can be, or where even to start.

​Well, one place we can look is our ability and readiness to receive. Most of us or very adept at deflecting, refusing, and ignoring the many opportunities, blessing, and kindness’s that come into our space each day. We need to move into our day with eyes and heart wide open, scouting for positive energy that is just waiting to land on us and increase our experience of self-love.

A colleague of mine illustrated the old defeating cycle, awareness, and then a new choice of action that served her perfectly.

I asked her for a favor; I wanted to pick her brain about her experience of her brilliance. The interview went well, and we both had some new insights and aha’s, in other words, it was valuable because we both brought our value to the table.

I later sent her a thank you email and asked for her address so I could send her a small gift of appreciation.

She responded, “No need for gifts.  Thank you for reaching out to me.”

Wow! Although I know it was absolutely not her intention, It felt like an abrupt snub. The way she cut off the flow of positive energy was a visceral experience for me.

 I thought, “how many time had I damned the energy flow, out of trying to be polite, or not take up too much space, or being able to the vulnerability that comes up when someone had offered me aid or a gift of some kind.”
​
The answer? A LOT. We all do this. It’s in our programming to be demure and giving, but most of us missed the day they taught receiving 101. When we drop into this pattern it is in service to NO ONE!

So I went into coach mode on my friend, and this was my response,

“I did want to invite you to practice receiving (sorry coach in me can't stop). Where else do you cut off receiving? Learning to receive is a big piece of being unconditionally in love with yourself and being able to hold space for your brilliance. Receiving a gift, a compliment, help of any kind is a way to practice owning your value. At its most simple, it's just an exchange of positive energy - something for the (your) value you gave me. Where else do you stop up the flow of positive energy? Up to you what you want to do with that... I respect whatever your choice is and no more unsolicited coaching, I promise ;)”

And guess what?
​
She took one small step to rewrite her pattern and another towards her value, self-love and her brilliance when she responded with her address.

Get curious, where do you cut off your self- love? Would you like to be experiencing something different that is in service to your liberation?  What is one thing you can do today to let a little more love in? I live for these types of conversations, and I’d love to have one with you. You can book your free clarity session with me here.
 
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