When Yes doesn't mean yes.
Do You Know When and How to Say Yes and No?
Here we are at the very beginning of the holiday season, I'm not sure about you but for me the holidays tend to be excessive. Too much sugar, alcohol, spending, not enough me time. This year I am speaking out loud for you and the universe to hear, "No More"
How often do we find ourselves at work or at a social gathering, or with a specific person doing a specific activity, eating a specific food and the first thought or maybe the first after thought is, “What the hell am I doing ?” It's not fun, It's not supporting me in the powerful life I'm interested in creating, and there is the strong feeling of life force being sucked away. This choice that has been made, our choices, are taking us in the opposite direction we want to go.
So how does this keep happening?
I used to feel this way and ask myself these same questions constantly, and I won’t lie, it still comes up. I feel obligated, I feel guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Can you relate? Well, enough already! What about us? How come we always come second? So it really comes down to honoring your yes’s and no’s. One good place to start is when you say yes to something is it going to give you energy and value? How do you know in yourself that that is true, is it a physical feeling that you get, or maybe you can truly calculate the value as a bonus to your life? How do you know when to say no? Will it be a drain on your time, energy, or money, what are the physical feelings to pay attention to in that case?
Many of us feel that “no” is a dirty word, but if “no” is said with kindness in a timely and firm manner, no guilt or unrest should be attached to it.
So let’s create clarity.
What are your top 5 priorities? It’s important to get past the to do lists… for example you might say taking care of your children is your number one priority. Yes important, but surface. What is actually underneath that to do? For me, taking good care of my daughter is important not only because I love her dearly, but I see it as stewardship for the planet and humanity, a way to make the world a better place. By making her a good human, I am helping to insure a positive future. So really the priority is that. Another example, getting up early to fit my workout in. Important to me, but why? Working out, makes me feel powerful and confident. My head is clear, my emotions are more stable. When I am in this state I am more creative, kind, and can serve others better. Cool! So then I might look at my calendar and see an event that is scheduled that I’m kind of dreading, it’s not truly an obligation, it’s going to be draining my energy, and zapping my confidence, keeping me up later, so I might miss my workout, It’s not in alignment with my priorities of inner and outer service and stewardship, it will be taking time away from something that I really enjoy like spending quality time with my daughter. It’s very clearly a no, but what about the guilt, obligation, and taking responsibility for others feeling?
What can we do about it?
Take an inventory: Are we resilient enough to withstand the guilt (remember guilt is only a feeling)? Yes, we absolutely are! Is it a true or perceived obligation? Can we stop being responsible for everyone else and trust that they will be OK? Takes practice, but it is a possibility.
In my practice I help clients, get clear on their priorities, find strength in their voice as they say “yes” and “no”, make choices that give them energy and are in alignment with their purpose and become master time managers. How? Through a structured system that offers support, stretch, and the right accountability. To schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at email@example.com
Lose weight on the air diet!
Ridiculous of course! But breathing, oxygen and weight-loss are connected
Breathing is proof that we are alive, proof that we are enough. The breath allows us to move with intention. The breath is an extension of our emotions. Yet the breath is easily forgotten and ignored. When is the last time you thought about your breath? Maybe in the last, yoga class you were in when you were reminded again and again of the power of the breath. You know, I feel like we all need to find our inner yoga teacher to remind ourselves to breathe mindfully more! Not only does it turn on the relaxation (also known as the feel and heal, or rest and digest) response, and help us practice mindfulness, but it can also help you to stoke your metabolism. Hopefully that will bring you attention to the breath!
A lot of people don’t know that oxygen is actually a key nutrient to speeding up your metabolism. Yet, oxygen is almost completely ignored in most nutrition books.
What’s important about oxygen when it comes to weight loss and increasing your metabolic burn?
Most experts focus on carbs, proteins and fats but ignore the one key nutrient—OXYGEN—that helps to burn all of these nutrients in the body better. The bottom line on oxygen is that when you breathe, you burn more energy. Think of the analogy of building a fire. When you build a fire you need two things: wood for fuel and good air circulation. The same is true in your gut. You need food for fuel and oxygen to stoke your metabolic fire.
This is one of the reasons why physical exercise is so powerful—it increases the body’s oxygen intake and teaches the body to use that oxygen to burn fat even more efficiently.
How can I start breathing while eating?
Try this simple trick—put your utensils down 3 times in your meal. Each time you put your utensils down, take a breath or 3. You can even do this when you’re at a work dinner or out with friends—it can be your little secret!
What do I do now?
In my health coaching practice, I help my clients completely transform HOW and WHY they eat, so they can find their ideal weight and gain energy easily and naturally without any crazy fad diets. If you’re ready for a radical new approach to weight loss and health, then schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or and let’s talk about simple changes that will give you BIG results.
Help I need a fix!
I tend to be enrolled in some sort of course, educational institution, workshop or personal growth literature at all times. What can I say, I love self-inquiry and the pursuit of self-fulfillment and peak experiences. I feel that I have always been a seeker and it really became a strong driving force in my life in my 20’s. Not much has changed in that respect. However my deeper motivations have definitely changed. As a younger women I was bogged down by not being enough and not having enough. Most of my self-improvement experience was entrenched in filling a gaping hole or fixing that broken part of me that at the time felt irreparable. The poor self-esteem and lack of self-love I struggled with made my approach to self-improvement harsh and unkind. I deprived myself of enjoyment, I overworked my body, and the reel in my head repeated that I wasn’t smart enough and I would never figure it out among other unkind sentiments. Fast forward to now, I feel like I finally have a grasp on self-acceptance. I still sometimes deal with some inner critic, but she’s not so mean usually, and I have more power in telling her to shut the F*#! Up. I no longer see myself as broken or un-whole, but rather I am a work in progress remembering and moving into the whole person that I always have been, but had just forgotten. So the distinction between then and now seems to be it was an outside job (pursuing external validation and material things to prove my worth) to an inside job ( building self-awareness and self-compassion and exploring and then imagining in myself, the state of existence that a person who is happy, fulfilled, positive, and trusts that they are enough has. It’s a state of being rather than all the doing we sometimes get distracted by.
So how does one make the shift?
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but one catalyst for me a few years back came as I was preparing for a yoga workshop that I was scheduled to teach. I found a poster from Mindful.org titled 7 Things Mindful People Do differently
you can google it, but this is my interpretation:
I'm an asshole, my 6 year old told me so.
I was as usual, rushing around, waking up way earlier than my natural clock likes, to journal and work out the only time I could fit it in.
Moving from pilates lesson to pilates lesson all day long, putting in a 1/2 hour commute 2 ways each day.
Shutting myself in my office as soon as I got home to build my coaching business, breaking for a rushed dinner and then back to the grind and the glow of the computer screen.
Maybe a little inspirational reading before closing my eyes only to be kept awake by my whirling mind and then finally some rest, but never quite enough...
ALARM and repeat. Sound familiar?
Well, here was my wake up call.... As I was rushing off to yet another late night meeting, which held the promise of missing bedtime yet again, My daughter burst into tears. "You are never here! You never read to me!" There was a pause, and then she glared and calmly stated, "But I'm used to it, it's been like this for the last two years." then she averted her eyes, and I had to go to my meeting.
Cue... broken heart. Yes I do understand children are master manipulators, but this did get me thinking... I wasn't happy with my over scheduled life or the limited time I had for fun and connection with my love ones. It had actually been bumming me out for a long time, but the pleaser in me didn't want to let any of my clients down by shaking things up, the financially fearful part of me didn't want to bite the hand that had been feeding me so well for the last few years, in other words it was status quo all the way.
However, my daughter's reaction was finally the catalyst I needed to take action and really start creating a life I love. (just like I coach my clients on each day). I am so happy to say the day after that meeting, I started telling clients I was moving my practice to a studio closer to my home, and they were invited if it worked for them.
This change will be happening in a couple of weeks, so I will finally commit to block scheduling, work and at least 1/2 as much self care. Special evenings of connection and fun with my dear ones and trusting that by walking my talk and being intentional towards my truth.
The universe will respond with supportive energy.
A huge shout out to my baby girl for finally shaking me awake.
What wake up calls, red flags or sirens are going off in your life? Are you honoring the message? What will it take for you to get unstuck and open yourself to a new possibility and create the life you love? Get in touch if you want to explore possibilty.
Authenticity or Just plain BS?
My husband told me last night he hates the word authenticity/ and authentic. "Way too buzzy," he said. "It sounds like a word a bullshitter uses to screw you out of something"
Ugh, I was starting to get a little upset... Authenticity has been my life's focus, and what I try to help other people find. I took a deep breath and stayed calm, and decided to ask more questions and he in turned asked me more, "What DOES that word mean to you?" and we had a nice dialogue. I don't know that we totally came eye to eye on the topic, but I did know that I needed to do another "glossary" post. Jargon does get in the way of mindful honest connection. As humans, we need to really be courageous enough to ask the questions at the risk of possibly appearing stupid, to get to the deep connection and understanding we all hope for. So here we go....
For me, authenticity is a feeling of full self expression, freedom, joy, the ability to be fully honest and let go of fear of judgment, fear of not belonging. Being completely authentic is a complete belonging to self. It's courageous and exhilarating, and when one is fully emerged in their authentic being anything and everything is possible. Now, as I am only 50% of a conversation/ relationship, I'm curious, what does it mean to you?
How did my ego get to be such an