Help I need a fix!
I tend to be enrolled in some sort of course, educational institution, workshop or personal growth literature at all times. What can I say, I love self-inquiry and the pursuit of self-fulfillment and peak experiences. I feel that I have always been a seeker and it really became a strong driving force in my life in my 20’s. Not much has changed in that respect. However my deeper motivations have definitely changed. As a younger women I was bogged down by not being enough and not having enough. Most of my self-improvement experience was entrenched in filling a gaping hole or fixing that broken part of me that at the time felt irreparable. The poor self-esteem and lack of self-love I struggled with made my approach to self-improvement harsh and unkind. I deprived myself of enjoyment, I overworked my body, and the reel in my head repeated that I wasn’t smart enough and I would never figure it out among other unkind sentiments. Fast forward to now, I feel like I finally have a grasp on self-acceptance. I still sometimes deal with some inner critic, but she’s not so mean usually, and I have more power in telling her to shut the F*#! Up. I no longer see myself as broken or un-whole, but rather I am a work in progress remembering and moving into the whole person that I always have been, but had just forgotten. So the distinction between then and now seems to be it was an outside job (pursuing external validation and material things to prove my worth) to an inside job ( building self-awareness and self-compassion and exploring and then imagining in myself, the state of existence that a person who is happy, fulfilled, positive, and trusts that they are enough has. It’s a state of being rather than all the doing we sometimes get distracted by.
So how does one make the shift?
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but one catalyst for me a few years back came as I was preparing for a yoga workshop that I was scheduled to teach. I found a poster from Mindful.org titled 7 Things Mindful People Do differently
you can google it, but this is my interpretation: