​Do You Know When and How to Say Yes and No?
Here we are at the very beginning of the holiday season, I'm not sure about you but for me the holidays tend to be excessive. Too much sugar, alcohol, spending, not enough me time. This year I am speaking out loud for you and the universe to hear, "No More"
How often do we find ourselves at work or at a social gathering, or with a specific person doing a specific activity, eating a specific food and the first thought or maybe the first after thought is, “What the hell am I doing ?” It's not fun, It's not supporting me in the powerful life I'm interested in creating, and there is the strong feeling of life force being sucked away. This choice that has been made, our choices, are taking us in the opposite direction we want to go.
So how does this keep happening?
I used to feel this way and ask myself these same questions constantly, and I won’t lie, it still comes up. I feel obligated, I feel guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Can you relate? Well, enough already! What about us? How come we always come second? So it really comes down to honoring your yes’s and no’s. One good place to start is when you say yes to something is it going to give you energy and value? How do you know in yourself that that is true, is it a physical feeling that you get, or maybe you can truly calculate the value as a bonus to your life? How do you know when to say no? Will it be a drain on your time, energy, or money, what are the physical feelings to pay attention to in that case?
Many of us feel that “no” is a dirty word, but if “no” is said with kindness in a timely and firm manner, no guilt or unrest should be attached to it.
So let’s create clarity.
What are your top 5 priorities? It’s important to get past the to do lists… for example you might say taking care of your children is your number one priority. Yes important, but surface. What is actually underneath that to do? For me, taking good care of my daughter is important not only because I love her dearly, but I see it as stewardship for the planet and humanity, a way to make the world a better place. By making her a good human, I am helping to insure a positive future. So really the priority is that. Another example, getting up early to fit my workout in. Important to me, but why? Working out, makes me feel powerful and confident. My head is clear, my emotions are more stable. When I am in this state I am more creative, kind, and can serve others better. Cool! So then I might look at my calendar and see an event that is scheduled that I’m kind of dreading, it’s not truly an obligation, it’s going to be draining my energy, and zapping my confidence, keeping me up later, so I might miss my workout, It’s not in alignment with my priorities of inner and outer service and stewardship, it will be taking time away from something that I really enjoy like spending quality time with my daughter. It’s very clearly a no, but what about the guilt, obligation, and taking responsibility for others feeling?
What can we do about it?
Take an inventory: Are we resilient enough to withstand the guilt (remember guilt is only a feeling)? Yes, we absolutely are! Is it a true or perceived obligation? Can we stop being responsible for everyone else and trust that they will be OK? Takes practice, but it is a possibility.
What’s next?
In my practice I help clients, get clear on their priorities, find strength in their voice as they say “yes” and “no”, make choices that give them energy and are in alignment with their purpose and become master time managers. How? Through a structured system that offers support, stretch, and the right accountability. To schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at jacqui@fitbodhi.com 

I tend to be enrolled in some sort of course, educational institution, workshop or personal growth literature at all times. What can I say, I love self-inquiry and the pursuit of self-fulfillment and peak experiences. I feel that I have always been a seeker and it really became a strong driving force in my life in my 20’s. Not much has changed in that respect. However my deeper motivations have definitely changed. As a younger women I was bogged down by not being enough and not having enough. Most of my self-improvement experience was entrenched in filling a gaping hole or fixing that broken part of me that at the time felt irreparable. The poor self-esteem and lack of self-love I struggled with made my approach to self-improvement harsh and unkind. I deprived myself of enjoyment, I overworked my body, and the reel in my head repeated that I wasn’t smart enough and I would never figure it out among other unkind sentiments. Fast forward to now, I feel like I finally have a grasp on self-acceptance. I still sometimes deal with some inner critic, but she’s not so mean usually, and I have more power in telling her to shut the F*#! Up. I no longer see myself as broken or un-whole, but rather I am a work in progress remembering and moving into the whole person that I always have been, but had just forgotten. So the distinction between then and now seems to be it was an outside job (pursuing external validation and material things to prove my worth) to an inside job ( building self-awareness and self-compassion and exploring and then imagining in myself, the state of existence that a person who is happy, fulfilled, positive, and trusts that they are enough has. It’s a state of being rather than all the doing we sometimes get distracted by.
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So how does one make the shift?
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but one catalyst for me a few years back came as I was preparing for a yoga workshop that I was scheduled to teach. I found a poster from Mindful.org titled 7 Things Mindful People Do differently
you can google it, but this is my interpretation:

1. Trade judgement for curiosity.
2. Forgive mistakes big and small especially the mistakes you make, in my experience self-forgiveness has been the hardest.
3. Practice Gratitude and Grace – Grace the verb - to honor and credit all experiences and things, in other words, look for the lesson.
4. Practice compassion and connection.
5. Make peace with imperfection – whoa, that’s been hard for me!
6. Practice and jump into vulnerability, by trusting yourself, others, and the universe.
7. Accept and embrace the impermanence of things.

I printed the poster out about 5 years ago, posted it in a visible place and still look at it most days. I set and still keep the intention of being more and more my authentic whole self, not because I’m broken, but because I’ve never felt more free than in those fleeting moments of full self-expression.

I was as usual, rushing around, waking up way earlier than my natural clock likes, to journal and work out the only time I could fit it in.

Moving from pilates lesson to pilates lesson all day long, putting in a 1/2 hour commute 2 ways each day.

Shutting myself in my office as soon as I got home to build my coaching business, breaking for a rushed dinner and then back to the grind and the glow of the computer screen.

Maybe a little inspirational reading before closing my eyes only to be kept awake by my whirling mind and then finally some rest, but never quite enough...

ALARM and repeat. Sound familiar?

Well, here was my wake up call.... As I was rushing off to yet another late night meeting, which held the promise of missing bedtime yet again, My daughter burst into tears. "You are never here! You never read to me!" There was a pause, and then she glared and calmly stated, "But I'm used to it, it's been like this for the last two years." then she averted her eyes, and I had to go to my meeting.

Cue... broken heart. Yes I do understand children are master manipulators, but this did get me thinking... I wasn't happy with my over scheduled life or the limited time I had for fun and connection with my love ones. It had actually been bumming me out for a long time, but the pleaser in me didn't want to let any of my clients down by shaking things up, the financially fearful part of me didn't want to bite the hand that had been feeding me so well for the last few years, in other words it was status quo all the way.

However, my daughter's reaction was finally the catalyst I needed to take action and really start creating a life I love. (just like I coach my clients on each day). I am so happy to say the day after that meeting, I started telling clients I was moving my practice to a studio closer to my home, and they were invited if it worked for them.

This change will be happening in a couple of weeks, so I will finally commit to block scheduling, work and  at least 1/2 as much self care. Special evenings of connection and fun with my dear ones and trusting that by walking my talk and being intentional towards my truth.

The universe will respond with supportive energy.

A huge shout out to my baby girl for  finally shaking me awake.

What wake up calls, red flags or sirens are going off in your life? Are you honoring the message? What will it take for you to get unstuck and open yourself to a new possibility and create the life you love? Get in touch if you want to explore possibilty.

Contact >>>

My husband told me last night he hates the word authenticity/ and authentic. "Way too buzzy," he said. "It sounds like a word a bullshitter uses to screw you out of something"
Ugh, I was starting to get a little upset... Authenticity has been my life's focus, and what I try to help other people find. I took a deep breath and stayed calm, and decided to ask more questions and he in turned asked me more, "What DOES that word mean to you?" and we had a nice dialogue. I don't know that we totally came eye to eye on the topic, but I did know that I needed to do another "glossary" post. Jargon does get in the way of mindful honest connection. As humans, we need to really be courageous enough to ask the questions at the risk of possibly appearing stupid, to get to the deep connection and understanding we all hope for. So here we go....

adjective: authentic; 

1. of undisputed origin; genuine.
   synonyms:genuine, real, bona fide, true, veritable; More
   antonyms:fake
   • made or done in the traditional or original way, or in a way that faithfully resembles an original. "the restaurant serves authentic Italian meals"
   • based on facts; accurate or reliable. "an authentic depiction of the situation"
     synonyms:reliable, dependable, trustworthy, authoritative, honest, faithful; More
     antonyms:unreliable

noun: authenticity

1. the quality of being authentic. 
   synonyms:genuineness,bonafides;legitimacy,legality,validity,reliability,dependability, trustworthiness,  credibility; accuracy, truth, veracity, fidelity

Awesome, a dictionary understanding, a fantastic place to start. Now don't forget the next most important question, what specifically does it mean to you?
For me, authenticity is a feeling of full self expression, freedom, joy, the ability to be fully honest and let go of fear of judgment, fear of not belonging. Being completely authentic is a complete belonging to self. It's courageous and exhilarating, and when one is fully emerged in their authentic being anything and everything is possible. Now, as I am only 50% of a conversation/ relationship, I'm curious, what does it mean to you?

I am finally feeling my light, after being in a pretty dark place for the last three weeks. What I realized is my ego needs work, like actual labor and a lot of it to feel valued in this world. I often get tricked by that and grind through my days until there isn't much left of me. I got caught up in that ego trance all summer. I skipped out on fun and time with family to "build my business" which really translates into trying to prove that I'm good enough. You know what happened? I ended up burnt out and bummed out.

The depression (which I haven't felt that deeply in a long time) was a wake up call. Then, it got even worse, that ego of mine was fighting me to stay depressed! It was like a spiritual battle, on one side the light in the form of kind support from my life lines. On the other side my ego telling me over and over again in the meanest voice you can imagine, "Get over it!". Days of allowing tears and feeling deeply (light). Frustration, fear and anger (ego). Then finally came the surrender, the light finally broke through and stayed. So what happened? Well, I put my work on the back burner and returned to connection, self love, and trusting that the business piece and my life would work out. (maybe not as I had planned, but in some wonderful way).

Within 3 days of serious acts of inspiration, movement and meditation, I had sucessfully shifted from ego to Self. I am light. I am back in gratitude. My heart is peaceful and open. My mind is clear. I am ready to go back into work/life with creativity and balance. Wow, I am empowered! I am capable of turning things around and being the creator of my own experience. We all are. One big take away, is that it's OK if we fall into ego, forgetting who we truly are. It's OK that  we need periodic reminding that we are the driver, ego is just along for the ride, as long as we deliberately put ego shotgun. We are not a failure when we forget (even though we may feel like it). We are just experiencing the ebbs and flows of our human-being-ness, which includes the cycle of BEING lost or stuck in the dark, awakening to our light, and then BEING our truth in the flow of life.  Who are you being right now?

Jargon noun
Meaningless talk or writing, gibberish, chatter. Any communication that one does not understand, but often pretends to. Language that is characterized by uncommon pretentious vocabulary and convoluted syntax and is often vague in meaning.
In the self-improvement world you hear a lot of Jargon, words that sound cool, important and enlightened, but often miss the point and create confusion or even “fake- through’s” or falsely perceived aha’s and accomplishments. Who wants to waste their time with that? Follow our blog and refer to the FitBodhi Wellness glossary, so we can all be communicating on the same page, with clarity.
 

I was late for an appointment, my room was littered with clean but unfolded laundry, the stuff still left in my closet was lame.I couldn't find my "confidence shirt" and I was freaking out. I know it may sound like a non issue, but this day it was too much to handle. I hated my clothes, my clutter and in that moment my life. The clutter was filling my head with the download, the voice, you know the one... "You suck, your lazy, you can't even get your laundry folded in a timely fashion, your clothes are awful and you're the one that chose them, loser. You are totally going to bomb this appointment." Of course all lies but they feltreal right then. So that day, I was lucky enough to be able to move my appointment a little later, and I knew the perfect thing to stop all that noise in my head, and no, it wasn't meditation, yoga, or journaling. I decided to clear the crap in my closet. It was perfect, because many of the clothes were on the floor, so the closet was a manageable chunk size to deal with. I quickly pulled the things I had been hating every time I looked at them for the last six months. Each piece that hit the to-go pile gave me a small burst of energy, and a little more quiet in my brain. Once the noise, dissipated the deeper truth emerged. I was actually a resourceful and powerful mature women. I could handle my Laundry ( later after the appointment), nail my appointment, and I was bigger than that nasty girl in my head. Getting back to some sort of mindfulness activity was key, in this case a clear the clutter session.