When Yes doesn't mean yes.
Do You Know When and How to Say Yes and No?
Here we are at the very beginning of the holiday season, I'm not sure about you but for me the holidays tend to be excessive. Too much sugar, alcohol, spending, not enough me time. This year I am speaking out loud for you and the universe to hear, "No More"
How often do we find ourselves at work or at a social gathering, or with a specific person doing a specific activity, eating a specific food and the first thought or maybe the first after thought is, “What the hell am I doing ?” It's not fun, It's not supporting me in the powerful life I'm interested in creating, and there is the strong feeling of life force being sucked away. This choice that has been made, our choices, are taking us in the opposite direction we want to go.
So how does this keep happening?
I used to feel this way and ask myself these same questions constantly, and I won’t lie, it still comes up. I feel obligated, I feel guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Can you relate? Well, enough already! What about us? How come we always come second? So it really comes down to honoring your yes’s and no’s. One good place to start is when you say yes to something is it going to give you energy and value? How do you know in yourself that that is true, is it a physical feeling that you get, or maybe you can truly calculate the value as a bonus to your life? How do you know when to say no? Will it be a drain on your time, energy, or money, what are the physical feelings to pay attention to in that case?
Many of us feel that “no” is a dirty word, but if “no” is said with kindness in a timely and firm manner, no guilt or unrest should be attached to it.
So let’s create clarity.
What are your top 5 priorities? It’s important to get past the to do lists… for example you might say taking care of your children is your number one priority. Yes important, but surface. What is actually underneath that to do? For me, taking good care of my daughter is important not only because I love her dearly, but I see it as stewardship for the planet and humanity, a way to make the world a better place. By making her a good human, I am helping to insure a positive future. So really the priority is that. Another example, getting up early to fit my workout in. Important to me, but why? Working out, makes me feel powerful and confident. My head is clear, my emotions are more stable. When I am in this state I am more creative, kind, and can serve others better. Cool! So then I might look at my calendar and see an event that is scheduled that I’m kind of dreading, it’s not truly an obligation, it’s going to be draining my energy, and zapping my confidence, keeping me up later, so I might miss my workout, It’s not in alignment with my priorities of inner and outer service and stewardship, it will be taking time away from something that I really enjoy like spending quality time with my daughter. It’s very clearly a no, but what about the guilt, obligation, and taking responsibility for others feeling?
What can we do about it?
Take an inventory: Are we resilient enough to withstand the guilt (remember guilt is only a feeling)? Yes, we absolutely are! Is it a true or perceived obligation? Can we stop being responsible for everyone else and trust that they will be OK? Takes practice, but it is a possibility.
In my practice I help clients, get clear on their priorities, find strength in their voice as they say “yes” and “no”, make choices that give them energy and are in alignment with their purpose and become master time managers. How? Through a structured system that offers support, stretch, and the right accountability. To schedule a clarity session with me, contact me at email@example.com